The Oscars

Before I start I want to say I'm a little biased. We all now how this is going to turn out, it's going to be anti-Oscars and pro Leonardo Dicaprio. The fact that this man, not only hasn't won one yet but has only been nominated five times is unbelievable and one of those was 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape', which let's be honest was a big pile of used Ebola Patients jizz rags.

'Blood Diamond' is up there because it's fucking immense and 'Wolf of Wall Street' for its portrayal on 'Give Lads a Big Load of Money and See What They Do.' Seriously I wana do ludes. If anyone has any or something close inbox and we'll sort it out. Also 'The Aviator' but I haven't seen it because it was fairly close in the Leo timeline to 'Titanic' so I haven't really been arsed.

Such a powerful 

performance

Only these films have been associated with Dicaprio at the Oscars. How The Departed, Shutter Island, Inception, Body of Lies to name a few haven't been there is as corrupt as an Italian cabinet meetings day out to mini-golf and the winner gets a free lapdance from a 16 year old orphan girl. Leo has been Burlesconied out of the Oscars so many times it makes me think what is the point.

To be fair I have never watched the Academy Awards because I'd rather eat barbed wire covered in ghost chilli sauce and wash it down with 4 week old milk then shit it out through my penis hole. But when you look at what other films have been nominated, what other actors have been nominated you start to think, why does anyone watch this load of diseased semen?

I know this might sound crazy from a fan of cinema but I don't really care for Meryl Streep. You know when you meet someone and you think I have to be careful, you are too nice and I am going to be embarrassed if you turn out to be an evil cunt and I actually gave you ten quid to get the round in, only for you to come back and say the bar is closed and I have to actually ask you for the tenner back well Meryl Streep looks like that person.

I'm not going to lie,

this movie is actually really good.

If you look at her impressive 19 nominations in the Academy Awards you realise 'Fuck I've only watched about 3 of them. And not because she was in it. Was she actually in it? I can't even fucking remember it was so long ago and this was the only thing on tele and I was 12 and I just discovered masturbation and my parents just came in from their night out so I quickly changed the channel from babestation whilst pulling up my pj's and it just landed on the Deer Hunter or Kramer vs Kramer so when they walked in I looked like a nice kid watching some powerful cinema when in actually fact I was trying to bust my 4th load of the night over some ugly fake boobed slut who must have no self-respect or any redeeming qualities for that matter.'

Only women would've seen her films or anyone who likes Thatcher who, let's be honest are bellends. 'The Devil Wears Prada' really? That was in the Oscars. I've never seen it so you may think 'Ah you are speaking out of ignorance' Yeah well who cares, someone said don't drop that bomb it'll kill about 200,000 innocent Japanese people and set off a chain reaction in the atmosphere and could potentially changed our air forever and then the bastards dropped 2000 more in test strikes but no one had dropped the thing before that so how did they know.

Seriously most of those films are wank. The films she won was Kramer vs Kramer, which all I can remember from that is 'I hate you too, you little shit!', 'Sophie's Choice' I dont even know what to fucking say and 'The Iron Lady' more like 'The Cunt who shouldn't have shared my Oxygen.' And the rest I haven't heard of.

Some of you may be like 'What?! You haven't seen erm...one sec...Silkwood, it was great.' Well I was too busy watching The Two Towers. Like let's read what IMDB's blurb is for that film 'The story of Karen Silkwood, a metallurgy worker at a plutonium processing plant who was purposefully contaminated, psychologically tortured and possibly murdered to prevent her from exposing blatant worker safety violations at the plant.' Fuck that actually sounds quiet good.

I must confess most of her nominations have been for best actress and so Dicaprio would have a hard time winning that award and yes I may be deflecting my hatred for lack of Dicaprio nominations on to a woman who is actually a great actress, even though most of her films are a bit gay.

It's just I watched Shutter Island again for the 45th time and how a 'Godamn Us Federal Marshall' didn't win best everything angers me.