Bouncers Are Paedophiles

Bouncers are paedophiles.

You want proof? Here it is!

5 Film Greats

To save on some of my precious creativity I thought it would be easie-Interesting to have a weekly segment on my blog. That being my 5 greats of something, its films this week, it could be films next week, or could be types of fish. Either way, see it as a recommendation list, not a top 5 thing. I reserve that to the most important matters like cereals. Whatever is in these lists I implore you to check them out. The numerical order has nothing to do with rating they are simple there for cohesion and order.

1. Lonesome Jim

A film starring Casey Affleck in one of his lead roles. In it we follow a  late 20 something writer returning to his parents after an unsuccessful attempt to break New York. He sees himself as a failure and his depressed state is only exacerbated by the seemingly failed lives of others around him in his hometown. His brother Tim, a divorcee who coaches an awful all girls pre-teen basketball team. His uncle a dick who likes prostitutes and using his family to unknowingly help him deal drugs. This black comedy's strengths are its characters and the actors who bring them to reality. Liv Tyler, Casey Affleck, Kevin Corrigan (playing Tim), Mary Kay Place who plays his loveable mother among others, make this film an easy watch despite little happening in the narrative.

2. Cloverfield

Possibly the best cinematic experience of my life. This film blew me away when I watched it on the big screen, one of the only films I saw multiple times in the cinema. On DVD it is still a great watch. Matt Reeves directs a superb film that tells the story of a man, who on the night of his leaving party, realizes he's in love with the girl of his dream and he just has to tell her. Plus there is a giant monster in New York trying to cock block him. I'm not saying anymore, if you haven't seen it, do not speak to me until you have.

3. The Prodigal Son

It's between this and Way of the Dragon for Best Kung-Fu film. The Prodigal Son is about the son of a rich business man who loves his son more then anything in the world. Unknowingly to Leung Chang his father pays people around town to stage fights with him because he's afraid his son will get hurt. It reaches a point were the town of Canton now calls him the Kung-Fu King, people from all over travel to fight him, obviously looking to be paid off. However Leung Chang is rudely awoken to the realisation that his kung-fu is awful by an opera singer named Leung Yee-Tai and anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of the art could beat him. Leung Chang then asks his father to pay Leung Yee-Tai to become his master. The film is a classic kung-fu film, the right amount of humour, drama and action, very well balanced. Plus the training sequences for Wing-Chun are entertaining in themselves and show a lot of what gung-fu is actually all about.

4. Moon

Holy shit what a film. This won't be everyone's favourite sci-fi as all we have to keep our attention is the acting skills of Sam Rockwell (my favourite actor at the moment) and the unraveling mysterious storyline. There is no action and no relationships except of course the relationship between Sam Bell and SPOILER. Considering this, it still had me glued to the screen and very deeply intrigued, in fact the most intriguing and interesting film I've seen. The story line itself is fantastic, one of the most unique sci-fi films ever. Definitely in the top 10 sci-fi films, it's more of a 2001: Space Odyssey affair then let's say Aliens or Star Wars. But not too out there like Space Odyssey more close to Earth HA! That's a joke because its set on the moon and Space Odyssey was set in God's ball sack.

5. The Wood

3 teenagers growing up in L.A. cope with gangsters, girls and virginity. Most films set in L.A. we see are about how hard it is for african-americans coping against the system that is there to keep them down, heavy and eye-opening stuff, but its always good to have a balance. The Wood is what's on the other side of the see-saw. It's funny and comforting as the story is told retrospecitively from Mike (Mike Epps), a writer, who is one of the two best men at his best friends wedding. Any lad growing up has experienced what happens in this film, if you haven't then you haven't had a real childhood. Every single male on the planet can relate to this film, every single one. Without exception, except the weirdo's who didn't like sex. Seriously no film can say that, it's a more realistic version of American Pie, but I'd say more funny in a more subtle way.

So that's my five films that you need to watch. Your deadline for this homework is until the next time I see you..................I'm behind you.

Xbox One and Big Brother

Is it me or has the book 1984 by Orwell just became seriously real?

I know a lot of people will be all 'Well with our increasing relations with America' blah blah whatever. Yeah you're right, but those things aren't obvious and blatant, not unlike the Xbox One's new Kinect device.

For those who don't know, Xbox One comes with a Kinect device built in. It's a fun tool that allows more of an in-depth game experience where the player can directly influence the game with their voice and movements. For example in FIFA if you swear after the ref has made a decision, your club gets fined. Very very cool indeed, especially when you think of all the other possibilities this has to offer.

Now I only recently found out that the Kinect is always on. You can never turn it off, so everything you say and your motions are always being registered by this Kinect. Imagine when you are playing a game like FIFA and your gf walks in and steps on something, swears and you get the fine.

But let's take this more seriously, the Kinect also records everything and sends it back to its HQ, were they do whatever they want with the information they have gathered. It has been documented this information will be sold to third parties for advertisement companies so they can target you more accurately. If these companies can get hold of this information then who else. Obviously anyone can bid for your details.

In a recent argument I was observing, about this very subject the point was raised, 'Well if you don't agree with that, then stop using facebook, google Iphones etc.' And that person is 100% right. However the bit I left out is that the Kinect is a fully functioning camera. It's basically a CCTV aimed directly at you in the comfort of your own home and you can't turn it off whilst the Xbox is on. Now facebook and google, that's fine because it is me who types those things, it's my online fiction. It's not a real person saying those things but my avatar. My facebook profile has no written information about where I live, I have and can refuse to put anything in. Sure as soon as I click a link my IP address is recorded but so what, just my IP address, I can lie and be whatever I want. But with the Xbox One it's you that camera is looking at you.

 As well this camera isn't no simple webcam, it has the ability to record your heartbeat. I don't know the science or how accurate this register of the measurement is but its still very impressive. It's a fairly powerful and complex device for a fun device for all your family. I know to some extent all you'll be doing is playing games on this console while you have it on, but what about the time you leave it on and your girlfriend/boyfriend surprises you and you forget that you are being recorded. Everything you do is saved and stored not just what you are playing but your actions. What about if you have children and you accidentally leave it on, your children are being filmed. And everyone has access to this.

There is nothing you can do about this. They use this information in what way they see fit because when you purchase and use this device you are complying with them. You agree with their terms and conditions and then it's totally theirs. Just like all those images you upload to facebook, not ours anymore friends, public domain.
 
But again with the Xbox its a camera and a live feed into your home and your decision to buy it, is accepting this technology and invasion of privacy. So when they turn around and introduce it to televisions, and it gets to a point were all T.V.'s and all games consoles have this device because you're acceptance to that technology.

And to be fair, nothing will happen with the information. The companies and government aren't all going to have a massive masturbation sleepover and watch everyone on the planet play games, it's for fairly harmless reasons. But what about in twenty years when the a party like the BNP gets into power and they have access to all that information and CCTV's into your houses. What happens then? And by that time, its ordinary for people to have a camera in your home. Just like its ok for people to have Iphones now, which is a SMART phone (which btw means Satellite Monitored and Radio Tracked.) That's right, that fucking stupid screen your caress and finger as you sit alone waiting for your mates to stop chatting up girls in the pub pretending you have mates but actually you are just playing some shit game that's 2 steps away from tetris is a tracker. You are a red bip on the map you tit. So yeah it will happen and your compliance to buy this is allowing them to think 'Oh yeah people don't mind a CCTV in their homes.'

'But I've got nothing to hi-' 'TIT!' Yes you have nothing to hide now but again in ten years what happens when they ban smoking inside your homes, or playing the guitar, or raise the legal age to drink and have sex to 21. Yes you have something to hide then. 'But that will never ha-' 'TIT!' Yes it will remember ten years ago when anyone could smoke anywhere and how it was ok to protest anywhere and suddenely there are all these bi-laws about where we can smoke and protest.

Just do me a favour and don't buy and xbox one and if you have already bought one, please read 1984 by George Orwell. Or watch the film.

If Sense was a Video: Drug Prohibition

A lot of the arguments I've used are in this video but I don't stand on as much authority as this fine gentleman. Plus I stutter a lot when I ggggget angry.

If him and Russel Brand got together

they'd be unstoppable.

My Golden Gaming Years

There was a time when gaming was everything, it's still up there, but during that time there was no contender. I'd push down the middle button on my pad and see fields of friends playing on a plethora of games. It was hard to choose what to go on. Gears of War, Call of Duty, Rainbow Six, Halo 3, Left 4 Dead, all these games would give you hours, if not days of fun.

It was the year of 2007-08 when these games were all out and I had a friend list of a strong 20 who I could play with. I had my real friends, my GOW friends, my COD friends. I'd just jump into parties and engage in gore.

Gears of War presented the real challenge of the bunch, were true skill would come into play. I remember practicing how to shoot, there was an x amount of hours you'd have to put into to learn how to use the shotgun on the multiplayer. Kicking off the match there was the unison of players ducking and sprinting to meet their foes in the centre of the map. The clash was like a wall of warriors of old, instead of shields smashing it was the butt of shotguns, instead of spears splintering skulls it was the crack of shotgun blasts that would shatter your opponent. On the team chat, there would be the shout that would send the bottom of your stomach two inches deeper, as you know defeat was inevitable 'Crab Walker' and 'Host Lancer'. There was the moral dilemma of going toe to toe, fighting fire with fire, and leaning on that walking snapping the A  button to dive so you too would have the same power as the host, but also be permanently sprinting yet have the agility like you were jogging and Crab Walk like them. The GOW etiquette of not killing a downed enemy that wasn't yours, so many unwritten laws that made this game feel more like a sport.

Then there was the all out fuck fest of COD4:MW1. The game that started it all, the multiplayer experience. I don't care what anyone says, Halo was good, but COD4 made multiplayer famous. I remember I had two clans I would play with bums, my real friends (a clan that survives and fights to this day) and then there was sRuz. The unofficial scousers clan short for Scouserz R Uz. Team chat was always a source of hilarity, a poor fool would challenge the skill of this firm of northerners as the seconds counted down to a new TDM or S&D. Only to be soundly routed by this squad of LAA's. I remember coming across the first sRuz player named Ant Macefferty (xbox name) when playing Rainbow Six, he later introduced me to Peno and No.1 Rodney on Call of Duty. We were the most consistent group of sRuz players, winning victory after victory. One instance comes to mind when after one audacious victory on Search and Destroy another team accused us of camping and all that other bullshit. The battle lines were drawn my friends, we sRuz was called out, our honour was called out, our skills called into question. We did not stand for this besmrichment. The challenge was laid out, 'Our 9 best vs your 9 best' in a standard GROUND WAR TDM. The next thing I knew, it wasn't just tizza65, Rodney, Peno and Ant, it was Jay Dono, Delboy, Toner06, LFC Fan, Bootle Badboy and others, They headed the call, rallied to our lines and we charged. We charged my friends and it ended with every single one of us with a positive Kill/Death ratio. Scouserz R Uz fought it's most important fight and won!

Now Left 4 Dead was something more intense, more private and enclosed. Never before had a game encapsulated everything I wanted in a game. Friends, FPS, a black man called Louis and Zombies. Do not doubt me, this was what I had been looking forward to since I first saw screenshots of Resident Evil 1 in the official ps one magazine. My real friends, our backs to the wall, shotguns and automatic rifles in hands, mowing down the ever encroaching hordes of the undead. Our shouts of 'I'm down, finish it without me Cake!' 'Dammit Tizza you're getting to that saferoom with me!' 'Quick I'll cover you with a pipe bomb.' Shouted Beckett through my mic as he picked off a hunter mid-air, heading for Cake. The 11 hour sessions of trying to finish one campaign on the hardest difficulty. AND I DO MEAN 11 HOURS. The endless restarts and replays, the random drops of healthpacks and upgraded weaponry and just when you think you are safe, just when you think the game wouldn't throw anything at you as you hobble toward the safe room, only metres away, on 2 health, last clip of ammo, no painkillers and the all your friends dead...that...rumble...that music...that muscle bound TANK would smash you halfway across the map as you would turn the corner and bump right into him. A man's hope and patience would be tested in the fires in Left 4 Dead, and my readers, BUMS was tested and BUMS passed with flying colours. An extra 50 achievement points glisten our gamerscore thanks to superhuman effort and teamwork. There is a story behind this ordeal, one so epic it deserves its own blog so I'll leave that for another time and move on.

Yes, these years were perfect. I'm not even sure it was 07-08, but it wasn't the year that was important more the arcadia of gaming during this time. Part of my personality and mentality was actually forged during these days. A part of my life that was so important that I still have memories, sitting on my couch playing these games and having the best time ever. I fear that these days will never come back. This time when gaming was so important and gave so much in my life. This may seem a bit sad and geeky to some of you, but you weren't there, you didn't experience all those highs and low's of all these games. It truly was golden.