Tuesday 25 March 2014

What Jon Gale's Albion Made Me Realise About Writing my Novel

Recently I saw that a fellow JMU graduate Jon Gale had his novella, Albion published. Excellent news for him but what shocked me was, I didn't feel as jealous as I thought I'd feel.  I only talked to my girlfriend for just 2 hours saying how shit of a writer he was compared to me. Of course there is something inside all us creative types that when we see someone succeed we think 'The little shit'. It's normal due to increasing pressure from a society based on status on wealth and all that. The reason for it is because I am enjoying writing my novel so much I can actually be happy for another person!



 Keep your Eye Out

Par Examplay, (french for for example) the cover of the book Albion (seen above) sums him up perfectly. I must say there are a few people in the course who know him better then me, even though we shared the odd night out and even a fight in Hee Bees, but as a writer I see the cover and I think of Jon Gale. The great thing is it's the exact same thing with me because my book is based on something that makes me, Moi (french for me).

When I started writing novels I was trying to write a scouse version of The Outisder or a JMU version of a Paul Auster novel. These attempts didn't get past the 5th page. I wondered what I was doing wrong. I was reading stories about an individual going on a deep, philosophical and emotional soul searching journey. They were fantastic stories that made me change my outlook on life, Invisible by Auster and Outisder by Albert Camus were just two of these. Naturally I wanted to replicate these stories in my own little way, but it just wasn't working.

 One of the Best Ever

I came to the simple conclusion that the genre was not for me, at least for now. It was round this time I was eviscerating the pages of Raymond E. Feist. Page after page were being soundly annihilated as I gobbled up his books. Twenty three books set in the world Midkemia, a fantastic world full of dragons, magicians, politics, hereos and of course romance. It took me twenty three books of his to make me realise that I am destined to write the greatest fantasy novel(s) ever.


My Favourite of the Series

All my life I have been in love with the fantasy genre, always coming back to it after a strenuous literary read. It was nice to fall into the arms of a marauding pack of mercenaries, made up of death sentenced criminals turned soldiers, sent to Novindus to spy on the Emerald Queen and her rapidly increasing army. While I was reading his last book, Magicians end the final chapter in the world of Midkemia, it clicked. For twenty three books I journeyed to a world time and time again, devouring every word with not a single survivor (except in King of Foxes when Talon of the Silver Hawk is sent to a prison and I was really depressed because he was my favourite character so I skimmed read ((which I never do, does that work in past tense?)) until he escaped so I did miss a few Thes and Ands). I knew for me to become published I had to create a world like this, one that I love to keep coming back to, expanding and cataloging the entire history of a world.

 My Map is Better

For a solid year I have reached about a third of the way through the story but I have built up an entire history of a continent. From wars that shaped the borders that make up the world, to the birth of the first every mercenary guild and the different religions and beliefs of how humans came to be on this vast landscape. I should really concentrate on the main narrative but I am so immersed into the world that when a new character pops up I write where he's from, what race, what town, how big is the town is it close to the northlands or by the desert, how does this effect their trade routes and what sustenance are the people of that town likely to live on, compared to if they lived by the sea. I can't stop, it's addictive and creative and at the same time self-destructive. Every time I split on a tangent, it's more time away from the novel.

Before I panic however and have stop myself from writing, I remember what a lecturer once said to me in reference to a first draft of a short story 'I think with this story, you need to write and see where it takes you.' I didn't want to carry on writing that story so I stopped, but with this one, I cannot stop which can only be a good thing.

Oh by the way you can buy Jon Gale's novella or whatever.

Wednesday 12 March 2014

Football Fans - I Hate Them All.

There is one sentence that has never been uttered in the middle of a football argument - 'Yes, I see your point.' Never, not once and the reason for this is because all football fans are twats. Possibly the worst people in the world. At least racist and paedophiles get put into prison, football fans are allowed to run amock and just annoy me.



Don't get me wrong I love football more specifically I love Liverpool (even though the club itself is evil and corrupt.) I can watch any game and feel all the adrenaline and passion as much as anyone. Feel the depression and sadness when Liverpool gets beat but nothing depresses me more then having a discussion with some braindead football fan.

I'll say 'Oh yeah but x player is good.' which is followed by 'Are you messing? He's only scored 7 goals in his last 23 appearances and even then he has only had a 20 minute game average and even then the matches he scored in his team lost and his passing average is minus the ratio of attendance of FC Porto Vista divided by the amount of leagues in Bolivian FA.' There's loving something then there is being obsessed with something. Knowing Millwall's record signing is not a good thing and if you know it as you read this, you stink of poo.



Also I can watch a game and I'll know if a player is good. I'll forget his name or possibly why I think he is good when it comes up in an argument but I'll know that he's good. I'll say 'oh yeah I though that left back was superb' 'Which one?' 'Duno but he ripped through Liverpool, kept that side solid and followed up the winger when he needed support.' and then they'll repeat exactly what the commentator said 'No Liverpool defended well and attacked the right way and they crumbled, I have no recollection of this player.' They have no recollection because the commentator never mentioned they're name.

Don't get me started on the transfer window. 'Ah my dad's mate in work knows someone in the pub who works at the ground and they saw Phil Santiagonaldo getting his car washed by Everton's ground.' Oh yeah well were all those amateur scouts and modern day football East German spies when Fowler resigned for Liverpool. Not one person saw that coming, although I bet you all, when your friend says 'We're buying Damien Ibraniestoure.' and you say 'Bullshit' they'll retort 'Nah because the lad who told me also said we were buying Fowler again.'



And you know what pisses me off more then anything, that makes my teeth grind like a train slamming on the breaks. 21st century Liverpool fans. Oh my fucking god they are such big hypocrites. They'll turn around in an argument with a blue nose and be all 'You bitter bastard' then fucking cheer when Man U get beat again. I'm quiet happy that Man U aren't winning but only because I don't want them getting more trophies then Liverpool. Do I care if they get relegated? No. Do I care were they finish? No. All I care is if Liverpool beat them and eventually win the league. They are Liverpool fans who genuinely hope that Man U get relegated. It makes me weep. They are also Liverpool fans who hate Mourinho just because he beat Liverpool those times. Instead of not caring, instead of rising above the bates and instead of turning into those dirty blue noses.

I actually wind myself up when I think about these things so I have came up with several things to say to football fans to wind them up as well. I'll share them with you -

1. Well if Bale was so good why doesn't he play for England?
2. Oh yeah well Everton have never been in Europe!
3. Oh yeah well Liverpool have never been in Europe!
4. Football isn't that good, I've always thought Rugby was better.
5. Well if Baines was so good why doesn't he play for England?
6. What has Alex Ferguson ever done for Man United?