1.
Freedom Tower
2.
3.
4.
5.
Don't Blink, blink and you're dead
6.
7.
Hope you liked them, Xmas one coming soon.
Wednesday 10 December 2014
Photoblog: Autumn New York
It certainly has been a good year. Living in the most (insert awe-inspiring adjective here) city in the world for six months has taught me a lot and changed me, professionally for the better. I'd like to show you some of the best pics I've been snapping whilst here. Also in the summer I kept forgetting to bring my camera out with me so there is no summer shots, SOZ!
1.
1.
Thursday 27 November 2014
Photoblog: Glastonbury
Ah Glastonbury. The magical place where King Arthur is buried, where Joseph of Arimathea is said to have stuck his staff in the ground and it flowered miraculously is also home to a rather famous festival. Eclectic and strange boredom is the last word one would associate with this event. This year I was of 200,000 people who descended upon the fields of green and engaged in the festivities.
As 2014 comes to a close it is time to show some of my favourite pictures of this great occasion. Special thanks to Phil MacDonald for providing with the camera.
In no order here is No.1
As 2014 comes to a close it is time to show some of my favourite pictures of this great occasion. Special thanks to Phil MacDonald for providing with the camera.
In no order here is No.1
Sexual
No. 2
Turn left after the crowd
No. 3
Lolipop Men going into battle
No. 4
The only time when going into the light
is a good thing
No. 5
Bad Acid Trip in 3...2...1
No. 6
Coolest Glastonburyier
No. 7
Such good photographer
No. 8
Lolipop Men were victorious
No. 9
Glastonbury in one picture.
Monday 20 October 2014
Rats vs Octopus', octopuses, octopi...loads of eight legged sea-dwelling monsters
As most of you all know human beings are the greatest thing ever. We are winning the race to become Gods with ants, tuna and penguins (amongst others) lagging behind. NASA this year will launch a test flight of a shuttle that in 2021 will be the first manned flight into deep space. In the hopes of one day reaching mars and populating it, the Orion shuttle only confirms the fact that we are much smarter than chickens and cats. Anyone betting that humans will be overtaken any time soon, has to reconsider their options.
Although coming at a very close joint second are probably the two most dangerous and intelligent animals known to man. Rats or Rattus norvegicus have an impressive intelligent vs brain size ratio that if they were of equal size to me or you and played chess against us they would win. Not only would they beat us at chess but whilst playing that game, their soldiers of super strength and agility would have secretly wiped out our abilities to combat them. Yes they would be capable of under-handed dirty tricks, something that we pride ourselves in.
With rats however we have the benefit that some of them are domesticated and make brilliant and loyal pets, even more than cats and dogs (look it up!) So there is a chance we could get some evil rat general being vanquished by a loyal female rat who was in love with its human owner but sacrificed herself so he could live, immortalizing the fight for equality amongst our races. Which is kind of a good thing because a rat and human baby would be ugly.
On the other hand, the hand which there is no escape and no chance of victory, we have the Octopus or Octopus Vulgaris. Forget sharks, forget bears, forget spiders, if there is one animal, one creature that we need to be afraid of it is the octopus. On a level of one to terrifying these creatures are a 'Shit your pants.' The amount of things that are going for these beasts from the depths is ridiculous.
Again their potential intelligence is comparable to the size of their brain. It's the size of a peanut yet they show incredible problem solving capabilities, memory and all around scary stuff. Just read this article and start building your fortifications, not that they will help. There has been some evidence that Octopus have actually tried to come ashore, dying shortly afterwards of course. Don't you see! The invasion is beginning they are just the scouts, testing our defences, the war isn't coming it has already arrived!
On the plus side most Octopus only live for about one or two years so we can just play the waiting game. This is probably the major reason why they haven't evolved or went beyond the level they are at because they can't build on the intelligence they are all inherently born with. If they start living ten or twenty years then it's time for us to step down from our pedestal.
If this happens hopefully the civil war between Rat and Man has ended and we have entered an alliance. Only with our combined intellect could we defeat the beast of the deep! Imagine riding rats into battle against flying Octopus, be sick wouldn't it!
Couldn't find a picture of that so here is another scary octopus picture:
Although coming at a very close joint second are probably the two most dangerous and intelligent animals known to man. Rats or Rattus norvegicus have an impressive intelligent vs brain size ratio that if they were of equal size to me or you and played chess against us they would win. Not only would they beat us at chess but whilst playing that game, their soldiers of super strength and agility would have secretly wiped out our abilities to combat them. Yes they would be capable of under-handed dirty tricks, something that we pride ourselves in.
Let me play you the song
of my people
With rats however we have the benefit that some of them are domesticated and make brilliant and loyal pets, even more than cats and dogs (look it up!) So there is a chance we could get some evil rat general being vanquished by a loyal female rat who was in love with its human owner but sacrificed herself so he could live, immortalizing the fight for equality amongst our races. Which is kind of a good thing because a rat and human baby would be ugly.
Only a mother's love
On the other hand, the hand which there is no escape and no chance of victory, we have the Octopus or Octopus Vulgaris. Forget sharks, forget bears, forget spiders, if there is one animal, one creature that we need to be afraid of it is the octopus. On a level of one to terrifying these creatures are a 'Shit your pants.' The amount of things that are going for these beasts from the depths is ridiculous.
Again their potential intelligence is comparable to the size of their brain. It's the size of a peanut yet they show incredible problem solving capabilities, memory and all around scary stuff. Just read this article and start building your fortifications, not that they will help. There has been some evidence that Octopus have actually tried to come ashore, dying shortly afterwards of course. Don't you see! The invasion is beginning they are just the scouts, testing our defences, the war isn't coming it has already arrived!
Supplies for the effort
On the plus side most Octopus only live for about one or two years so we can just play the waiting game. This is probably the major reason why they haven't evolved or went beyond the level they are at because they can't build on the intelligence they are all inherently born with. If they start living ten or twenty years then it's time for us to step down from our pedestal.
If this happens hopefully the civil war between Rat and Man has ended and we have entered an alliance. Only with our combined intellect could we defeat the beast of the deep! Imagine riding rats into battle against flying Octopus, be sick wouldn't it!
Couldn't find a picture of that so here is another scary octopus picture:
Saturday 4 October 2014
Self-Sacrifice
The Notebook ain't got
Shit on this.
We all think that under the circumstances we would sacrifice ourselves to save another life or even several. I believe this, I think the majority of us believe they would do that. If it was to save a hundred people or ten or five, it is built into all of us. It is heroic and brave but I don't think it is as uncommon as some people make it out to be.
The one thing I have been considering, is how me or my family would feel about it. If it was me and one of my close family members (fuck my cousins*) wanted to sacrifice themselves, say for five people at a stretch ten, I would think I would rather have my sisters or mum, dad, girlfriend, brothers etc. ( I have a huge family) then five random people. Yes I would feel proud that they made this brave gesture but if I had the choice, 'Pick your sister to die or ten peo-' 'Ten people, final answer.' Easy. It won't even matter which one.
So flip it, what would your family want? Think of five families being devastated by losing one of their loved ones then imagine yours. Not such an easy decision now because you have a bigger emotional connection to your family. Yes number-wise it would make more sense to go with the five people blah blah but emotion isn't factor when it comes to emotion based decisions.
I know I would get off the plane (in my sacrifice scenario in my head, I'm coming off a plane to scores of reporters. No one in the country entirely blames me for the situation because it wasn't directly my fault, neither do the other family but it's just under the surface like a big emotional Jaws)
Could not resist
and I would return to my family we would cry and hug. Although I would feel bad, my family wouldn't care they only care about me. So the next time you face this decision, just imagine right now in your minds eye how sad your mum would be.
P.S. If I am one of those five or ten people fuck off everything I just said, don't be selfish.
*All my cousins except Edward, that's the benefits of reading my blog cousin :)
P.S.S. This blog is for comedy purposes only (sometimes, well hardly but only because I'm not funny) so if anyone does follow my advice I am absolved from any blame.
Wednesday 1 October 2014
Pointless Sequels
The dreaded thing all film fans fear more than pterodactyl. A pointless sequel can be as painful as sac kicking and I don't mean the little stupid balls, or do I? History is littered with great films having their reputation smeared by their whore-loving, drug-taking, fight starting younger brother (that's a metaphor by the way). The first one that comes to mind, is of course, do I even have to say it? Yes that's right Grease 2.
What a pile of awfulness. A pure middle finger to the artistic, deep and profound original. But on a serious note Grease for some people is a good film, in fact although not everyone has seen it they have heard of it. Hardly any sane person has heard of Grease 2. It's that bad that none of your older sisters had a copy.
Two films are being released as sequels in the next coming age. One of which doesn't deserve a sequel and the other simply makes you scratch your head as to wonder why. The former is Horrible Bosses 2 and the latter is Zombieland 2.
Horrible Bosses is the film we all forgot and when they announced it I was shocked that it has a number 2 on the end. However I watched the trailer and it actually made me laugh in parts. So maybe it's not all bad. What worries me though is the large amount of 'stars' in it. When I see a film do that I think they are trying to buy me into liking it. Or blind me with all the stardum. For example it has Jonathan Banks, who plays Mike in Breaking Bad and I was like 'Ah shit no way, I'm guna go see...Oh no.' You see it nearly got me!
Zombieland 2 is a confusing one. I liked this film a lot. The cameo by Bill Murray alone made it for me. The sequel is in the very early stages, Sony have only just confirmed the writer click here to find out who. (I have hyperlinks now.) This being said there can't be any speculation because from a professional journalistic point of view I cannot look foolish, but apparently Pamela Anderson is going to star in it with Vinnie Jones as her younger sister. There is no confirmation that any of the original cast will return and I hope to Gilgamesh they don't because the whole thing will have a Walking Dead feel to it. Like previously on Zombieland 'I want a twinkie!' 'I'm scared of ghosts and clowns' 'I'm Emma Stone.' You see it just won't feel nice at all to see them return. A sense of unease and anxiety will fill follow like when you have to stand between two men in a urinal (an urinal or a urinal, I said it to myself and it a urinal sounds much better so fuck you grammar.)
What a pile of awfulness. A pure middle finger to the artistic, deep and profound original. But on a serious note Grease for some people is a good film, in fact although not everyone has seen it they have heard of it. Hardly any sane person has heard of Grease 2. It's that bad that none of your older sisters had a copy.
Two films are being released as sequels in the next coming age. One of which doesn't deserve a sequel and the other simply makes you scratch your head as to wonder why. The former is Horrible Bosses 2 and the latter is Zombieland 2.
Horrible Bosses is the film we all forgot and when they announced it I was shocked that it has a number 2 on the end. However I watched the trailer and it actually made me laugh in parts. So maybe it's not all bad. What worries me though is the large amount of 'stars' in it. When I see a film do that I think they are trying to buy me into liking it. Or blind me with all the stardum. For example it has Jonathan Banks, who plays Mike in Breaking Bad and I was like 'Ah shit no way, I'm guna go see...Oh no.' You see it nearly got me!
Zombieland 2 is a confusing one. I liked this film a lot. The cameo by Bill Murray alone made it for me. The sequel is in the very early stages, Sony have only just confirmed the writer click here to find out who. (I have hyperlinks now.) This being said there can't be any speculation because from a professional journalistic point of view I cannot look foolish, but apparently Pamela Anderson is going to star in it with Vinnie Jones as her younger sister. There is no confirmation that any of the original cast will return and I hope to Gilgamesh they don't because the whole thing will have a Walking Dead feel to it. Like previously on Zombieland 'I want a twinkie!' 'I'm scared of ghosts and clowns' 'I'm Emma Stone.' You see it just won't feel nice at all to see them return. A sense of unease and anxiety will fill follow like when you have to stand between two men in a urinal (an urinal or a urinal, I said it to myself and it a urinal sounds much better so fuck you grammar.)
Please let me never see you four
together again, especially
Bill Murray.
One thing has annoyed me about that film: If you saw a zombie celebrity would you shoot it? No of course you wouldn't.
I don't know what my conclusion is so here is a funny gif:
Wednesday 24 September 2014
Decorative Pillows
Recently I have entered the world of decorative pillows. Me and my girlfriend have moved to New York ( I know right ) and I just bought a 'comforter' set. Inside there was several decorative pillows. When I was young and single the idea of these pointless and insulting affront to human evolution filled me with rage and anger which could not be measured by human devices only by comparison of the most violent star systems in the known universe.
Now I am little older a little wiser, I've grown to appreciate the act of doing nothing and simply let time wash over and age my body. I have came to the conclusion that decorative pillows are a pointless and insulting, they are an affront to human evolution, they fill me with rage and anger which cannot be measured by human devices only by comparison of the most violent star systems in the known universe.
When they are on the bed sure they look nice, but when you go to sleep they are casually throw aside. It's like money being flushed down the toilet, or money being eaten by an angry dwarf then that money being shat out, not in my toilet but around the toilet.
It is similar to people buying shoes that have no soles in or televisions with no electronics inside or a someone buying you a Bounty when you asked for a chocolate bar. Things that have no service but are only there as decoration really piss me off. And before you start, no it's not like art because how many decorative pillows have you seen that have made you stand in awe and disbelief that someone that shares your genetic structure could create something as beautiful as this:
Now I am little older a little wiser, I've grown to appreciate the act of doing nothing and simply let time wash over and age my body. I have came to the conclusion that decorative pillows are a pointless and insulting, they are an affront to human evolution, they fill me with rage and anger which cannot be measured by human devices only by comparison of the most violent star systems in the known universe.
When they are on the bed sure they look nice, but when you go to sleep they are casually throw aside. It's like money being flushed down the toilet, or money being eaten by an angry dwarf then that money being shat out, not in my toilet but around the toilet.
It is similar to people buying shoes that have no soles in or televisions with no electronics inside or a someone buying you a Bounty when you asked for a chocolate bar. Things that have no service but are only there as decoration really piss me off. And before you start, no it's not like art because how many decorative pillows have you seen that have made you stand in awe and disbelief that someone that shares your genetic structure could create something as beautiful as this:
Also if you are from Liverpool and haven't
seen this in the flesh, you are as
useless as decorative pillows.
Wednesday 17 September 2014
My Favourite Film (contains spoilers)
After many long years of deliberation I've finally decided what my favourite film of all time is. This is not to be confused with what I think the best film ever is just my personally favourite. The film I am talking about is Kids by Larry Clark. I advise you to go and watch the film before reading this. It's an emotional story that will have you laughing then feeling disgusted and torn whether to love or hate a character along the way. With a unique and shocking story this film is hard to dislike. It can be viewed easily through many streaming websites and is even accessible on youtube.
Written by Harmony Korine the film documents the lives of young New York teenagers as they do drugs, skate, have sex and fight. The film's style was so realistic many of the its audience believed it to be a documentary. The shaky cam, natural acting and fantastic yet real dialogue made this so. A scene in particular when a group of girls and a group of boys talk separately about their sexual exploits, experiences and preferences. We see the stark contrast of viewpoints of the two genders and their emotional inexperience in sex simultaneously. Even considering this you find yourself smiling and laughing along with the dialogue as if you are watching a documentary and having your viewpoints discussed on the screen.
There is no real main character as the story jumps from its dependency of plot to and fro between characters. Telly, played by Leo Fitzpatrick we believe to be the main character at first, is caught up in his need to 'fuck virgins' it becomes an obsession for him and from the first scene we immediately dislike him. However it's hard not to be intrigued by him though as him and his friend Casper have some excellent dialogue between them. Casper played by Justin Pierce is Telly's closest friend as he follows him, but not a follower, as he continues his pursuit to devirginize girls. Telly proves to be a complex character even at such a young age and becomes very likeable. You see him being charitable yet a thief, you see him being thoughtful and cultured yet depraved and a bully. The story switches from these characters and Jennie, Chloe Sevigny. Jennie is an extremely sweet girl. In her young life she has only slept with one person, that being Telly. From this point on I am sure you assume that Telly is a Love em and Leave em kind've guy. Jennie isn't caught up on this, a bit pissed as any girl would after a year but not holding any real grudges. We like Jennie as she chats to her friends and accompanies her friend to the sex clinic as emotional support for her as she takes a HIV test.
The dialogue scene in which I mentioned earlier descends into a discussion about AIDS. Ruby, Jennie's friend, tells the girl group of her several sexual encounters and how a few of them went unprotected, hence the test. We flashback to when both girls get tested. They re-visit that clinic today to get their results. At the same time we hear Telly speak of his desire to 'fuck two virgins in one day' more specifically a young girl named Darcy. Him and Casper bet money and whether he will or not and so find their next adventure in the day. Meanwhile back in the clinic we hear the good news that Ruby is HIV negative and we breathe a sigh of relief but then we cut to Jennie, Jennie's innocent, young face as she is told she has contracted the HIV virus. But she has only been with one person she says and we cut to Telly.
This is when the narrative gets serious, no longer is about smoking weed and skateboarding but a race against time for Jennie to find Telly before he sleeps with Darcy. It dawns on the audience as we remember that it was mentioned that Telly and Jennie slept together over a year ago and we contemplate the damage that has been done to not only the young girl at the beginning of the film but the countless others that Telly has slept with.
The films tone changes heavily after this. Before we may have seen the exploits of these teenagers as harmless fun as they try to fight boredom the only way generation x can. We begin to feel disturbed and sick as these 'kids' are not adults, they are dealing with taboo topics that we assume only adults can emotionally deal with not 'kids'. They take these topics on however with a child's version of how an adult should.
Harmony Korine's cameo,
aged 22.
The best thing about this film is how it shows us how teenagers truly think. So many times as adults we think 'Kids today blah blah blah' forgetting that the same desires and vices we indulge in are the same as when we were kids but with a more emotional grounded perspective. It's not so much exposing the lifestyle of teenagers 'these days' kind've movie, more exposing the lifestyles we used to live. I also can't stress enough the greatness of the dialogue as well, some of the best in any film. Even on the level, and I don't say this lightly, with Tarantino. I'm not going to tell you the ending because I've already spoilt enough yet hopefully teased you the right amount you should go and watch it if you haven't already, because there is a lot more in it then what I've divulged to you.
Written by Harmony Korine the film documents the lives of young New York teenagers as they do drugs, skate, have sex and fight. The film's style was so realistic many of the its audience believed it to be a documentary. The shaky cam, natural acting and fantastic yet real dialogue made this so. A scene in particular when a group of girls and a group of boys talk separately about their sexual exploits, experiences and preferences. We see the stark contrast of viewpoints of the two genders and their emotional inexperience in sex simultaneously. Even considering this you find yourself smiling and laughing along with the dialogue as if you are watching a documentary and having your viewpoints discussed on the screen.
There is no real main character as the story jumps from its dependency of plot to and fro between characters. Telly, played by Leo Fitzpatrick we believe to be the main character at first, is caught up in his need to 'fuck virgins' it becomes an obsession for him and from the first scene we immediately dislike him. However it's hard not to be intrigued by him though as him and his friend Casper have some excellent dialogue between them. Casper played by Justin Pierce is Telly's closest friend as he follows him, but not a follower, as he continues his pursuit to devirginize girls. Telly proves to be a complex character even at such a young age and becomes very likeable. You see him being charitable yet a thief, you see him being thoughtful and cultured yet depraved and a bully. The story switches from these characters and Jennie, Chloe Sevigny. Jennie is an extremely sweet girl. In her young life she has only slept with one person, that being Telly. From this point on I am sure you assume that Telly is a Love em and Leave em kind've guy. Jennie isn't caught up on this, a bit pissed as any girl would after a year but not holding any real grudges. We like Jennie as she chats to her friends and accompanies her friend to the sex clinic as emotional support for her as she takes a HIV test.
Casper on the left,
Scumbag on the right.
The dialogue scene in which I mentioned earlier descends into a discussion about AIDS. Ruby, Jennie's friend, tells the girl group of her several sexual encounters and how a few of them went unprotected, hence the test. We flashback to when both girls get tested. They re-visit that clinic today to get their results. At the same time we hear Telly speak of his desire to 'fuck two virgins in one day' more specifically a young girl named Darcy. Him and Casper bet money and whether he will or not and so find their next adventure in the day. Meanwhile back in the clinic we hear the good news that Ruby is HIV negative and we breathe a sigh of relief but then we cut to Jennie, Jennie's innocent, young face as she is told she has contracted the HIV virus. But she has only been with one person she says and we cut to Telly.
This is when the narrative gets serious, no longer is about smoking weed and skateboarding but a race against time for Jennie to find Telly before he sleeps with Darcy. It dawns on the audience as we remember that it was mentioned that Telly and Jennie slept together over a year ago and we contemplate the damage that has been done to not only the young girl at the beginning of the film but the countless others that Telly has slept with.
The films tone changes heavily after this. Before we may have seen the exploits of these teenagers as harmless fun as they try to fight boredom the only way generation x can. We begin to feel disturbed and sick as these 'kids' are not adults, they are dealing with taboo topics that we assume only adults can emotionally deal with not 'kids'. They take these topics on however with a child's version of how an adult should.
aged 22.
The best thing about this film is how it shows us how teenagers truly think. So many times as adults we think 'Kids today blah blah blah' forgetting that the same desires and vices we indulge in are the same as when we were kids but with a more emotional grounded perspective. It's not so much exposing the lifestyle of teenagers 'these days' kind've movie, more exposing the lifestyles we used to live. I also can't stress enough the greatness of the dialogue as well, some of the best in any film. Even on the level, and I don't say this lightly, with Tarantino. I'm not going to tell you the ending because I've already spoilt enough yet hopefully teased you the right amount you should go and watch it if you haven't already, because there is a lot more in it then what I've divulged to you.
Sunday 31 August 2014
How Having a Girlfriend Gamer is Actually an Awful Thing.
'Arrrr my girlfriends amazing we play games together and everything.' Said the biggest liar in the world!
When males are young and naive they dream of a girlfriend who they could one day re-tell their gaming stories with as if it was like spinning romantic yarns of sunny days out to the beach and running through the woods mid-storm. As we get older however we realise that this isn't the case at all, in fact we want our girlfriends to stay as far away from our gaming consoles as humanly possible.
Sure having some fun on Mario Kart and the occasional beat-em up is cool and fun, Battlefield and Left 4 Dead on the other hand should be out of bounds. Remember when you and you're friends were experiencing some rather difficult opponents on a game of Conquest? Do you also remember having to carry one or two of your friends as you struggle to match your opponents skill? And also how you wanted to scream at your friends 'What the fuck are you doing? Are you that shit that you can't defend the C flag for more than 10 seconds so I can at least disrupt their hold on A flag?!' Yes of course you do.
The beautiful things with girlfriends is how you can share your innermost insecurities and thoughts without fear of reprisal. It's a great thing relationships, we as an evolved species have revolutionised how we interact and bond with our mates.
So couple all that bullshit with that fact that you have a female playing with you on Call of Duty S&D and she doesn't know what cover objective A means while you sweep the flanks. Instead she sees someone coming up behind you reloads instead of shooting and you lose the round yet again. What happens? You obviously tell her 'What the fuck are you doing? I said cover me!'
And even if you aren't competitive (which is a category I can put myself in, obviously) males are solitary creatures and as such need a portion of time to themselves to relax their mind. Gaming is one of the escapes we go to, where we can totally shut-off and ignore the man-made illusion of 'reality' kind've like yoga for people with testicles.
It's true my male friends, you mightn't know it but that is the case. Now think of this beautiful and serene place being invaded by an emotional, sometimes illogical and emotion-based decision making monster that is the love of your life. The place you counted as your home from home will now be an extension of the bourgeois-elitist made prison that is 'society.'
So cherish the alone time because as they say absence makes the heart grow founder and a girl always has a minus Kill/Death Ratio.
Disclaimer: All facts are 100% proven by the science of common sense. If you have any problems the views and opinions expressed by the writer are entirely his own:
When males are young and naive they dream of a girlfriend who they could one day re-tell their gaming stories with as if it was like spinning romantic yarns of sunny days out to the beach and running through the woods mid-storm. As we get older however we realise that this isn't the case at all, in fact we want our girlfriends to stay as far away from our gaming consoles as humanly possible.
Sure having some fun on Mario Kart and the occasional beat-em up is cool and fun, Battlefield and Left 4 Dead on the other hand should be out of bounds. Remember when you and you're friends were experiencing some rather difficult opponents on a game of Conquest? Do you also remember having to carry one or two of your friends as you struggle to match your opponents skill? And also how you wanted to scream at your friends 'What the fuck are you doing? Are you that shit that you can't defend the C flag for more than 10 seconds so I can at least disrupt their hold on A flag?!' Yes of course you do.
The beautiful things with girlfriends is how you can share your innermost insecurities and thoughts without fear of reprisal. It's a great thing relationships, we as an evolved species have revolutionised how we interact and bond with our mates.
So couple all that bullshit with that fact that you have a female playing with you on Call of Duty S&D and she doesn't know what cover objective A means while you sweep the flanks. Instead she sees someone coming up behind you reloads instead of shooting and you lose the round yet again. What happens? You obviously tell her 'What the fuck are you doing? I said cover me!'
And even if you aren't competitive (which is a category I can put myself in, obviously) males are solitary creatures and as such need a portion of time to themselves to relax their mind. Gaming is one of the escapes we go to, where we can totally shut-off and ignore the man-made illusion of 'reality' kind've like yoga for people with testicles.
It's true my male friends, you mightn't know it but that is the case. Now think of this beautiful and serene place being invaded by an emotional, sometimes illogical and emotion-based decision making monster that is the love of your life. The place you counted as your home from home will now be an extension of the bourgeois-elitist made prison that is 'society.'
So cherish the alone time because as they say absence makes the heart grow founder and a girl always has a minus Kill/Death Ratio.
Disclaimer: All facts are 100% proven by the science of common sense. If you have any problems the views and opinions expressed by the writer are entirely his own:
Sunday 24 August 2014
5 Fantastic Point and Click Adventure Games
I feel bad for slating the P.C.A. games last post because they aren't that bad, just old. So to make it up to those little scoundrels I've decided to compose a list, we all love lists, of my favourite Point and Click games.
1. Discworld
Terry Pratchett's Discworld is brought to life in the 1995 release for the Playstation. It was probably released for other consoles but who cares. The game starred Rincewind voiced by Eric Idle and so was one of the more funnier games of its generation. However the game's puzzles were a bit contrived even for a Point and Click adventure. Expect to feel guilty for reading a walkthrough for the game.
2. Little Big Adventure
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One of the most innovative and original of the genre's, Little Big Adventure is one of the most underrated games ever. Puzzles and character interaction was given greater depth by its mood-tab bar (I think that's what it was called), which gave the player the choice to alter the characters mood to help them approach different puzzles. Not exactly a point and click game in the original sense mainly due to how far ahead this game was.
3. Blazing Dragons
A truly hilarious game who's jokes had child and adult undertones to make it fun for the whole family (I feel a bit sick for using that line). Voiced by a virtually unknown couple of people the game still managed to be amusing. The puzzles were good difficult but solvable, except that one which you had to get your friend to come over and solve.
4. Broken Sword
If you need a break from all the nostalgia I completely understand. Broken Sword, one of the most famous of all the P.C.A. games is a must for anyone looking to get into the genre. Any beginner to the genre I'd say this should be the first you play. Puzzles fantastic, characters funny and real and entertaining to the last mouse click. Still available on Amazon for a cheap price any fans of the game or people who want to play an addictive and complex game BUY IT!
5. Blade Runner
This game has a chance of winning so many categories: Best Film to Game, Most Underrated Game of All Time, Best P.C.A. Best Storyline, I could go on, but I've run out of categories. Suffice to say this was an excellent game, immersive, great graphics, great gameplay, deep storyline, in-depth characters. It truly had it all and due to the time it was released didn't really get its just rewards. Set in the same universe as the film but a separate storyline. It gave it artistic license to build apart from the film so there were no boundaries. It used all the great things from the film but broke away from the restrictions that film-games have. Definitely worth a play.
1. Discworld
Terry Pratchett's Discworld is brought to life in the 1995 release for the Playstation. It was probably released for other consoles but who cares. The game starred Rincewind voiced by Eric Idle and so was one of the more funnier games of its generation. However the game's puzzles were a bit contrived even for a Point and Click adventure. Expect to feel guilty for reading a walkthrough for the game.
2. Little Big Adventure
One of the most innovative and original of the genre's, Little Big Adventure is one of the most underrated games ever. Puzzles and character interaction was given greater depth by its mood-tab bar (I think that's what it was called), which gave the player the choice to alter the characters mood to help them approach different puzzles. Not exactly a point and click game in the original sense mainly due to how far ahead this game was.
3. Blazing Dragons
A truly hilarious game who's jokes had child and adult undertones to make it fun for the whole family (I feel a bit sick for using that line). Voiced by a virtually unknown couple of people the game still managed to be amusing. The puzzles were good difficult but solvable, except that one which you had to get your friend to come over and solve.
4. Broken Sword
If you need a break from all the nostalgia I completely understand. Broken Sword, one of the most famous of all the P.C.A. games is a must for anyone looking to get into the genre. Any beginner to the genre I'd say this should be the first you play. Puzzles fantastic, characters funny and real and entertaining to the last mouse click. Still available on Amazon for a cheap price any fans of the game or people who want to play an addictive and complex game BUY IT!
5. Blade Runner
This game has a chance of winning so many categories: Best Film to Game, Most Underrated Game of All Time, Best P.C.A. Best Storyline, I could go on, but I've run out of categories. Suffice to say this was an excellent game, immersive, great graphics, great gameplay, deep storyline, in-depth characters. It truly had it all and due to the time it was released didn't really get its just rewards. Set in the same universe as the film but a separate storyline. It gave it artistic license to build apart from the film so there were no boundaries. It used all the great things from the film but broke away from the restrictions that film-games have. Definitely worth a play.
Friday 22 August 2014
Broken Sword: Point and Shit Adventure
This game has to be one of my favourites of all time. The characters are hilarious, the story gripping and nostalgic feeling that makes this game one of my most re-visited games ever. However I see it as a success that these games no longer get made.
The point and click adventure is from a by-gone era. Broken Sword is possibly the most iconic of these games except that monkey island game but I didn't play so it's not important.They literally don't make them like they used to and for good reason.
We are presented with a 2-d world in which the items that we need to progress stick out of a prerendered background. We collect these items and attempt to use them logically to solve puzzles. Sometimes however there is no logic to the puzzles and we find the games are a case of trial and error, with it weighing heavily on the error part.
The P.A.C. (point and click) requires immense amounts of patience as a fair portion of the puzzles aren't given any clues or hints at how they can be completed. A great game always rewards a player when they do something outstanding and unique. Games like Hitman in which you can get (to an extent) creative in the ways in which you kill your targets. However P.A.C.'s sometimes give us the cold-shoulder as we attempt to do something outside the box.
This is why these games will never be 'The Best' or 'innovative' because the puzzles and gameplay are played out like 1+1=2. We find a clue, apply it to a puzzle and you get the reward. In the likes of COD and FIFA the gameplay is unique and different everytime you play it. Not even online does this happen, single player is the same because difficulty levels give these games more dimensions.
The P.A.C.'s have evolved with the likes of the Sherlock Holmes games, but in essence they are the same with the exception of the Walking Dead and even then... They'll always have a soft-spot in my heart but I don't expect I will to force my children to play it, Resident Evil and Doom on the other hand...
Paris in the Fall
The point and click adventure is from a by-gone era. Broken Sword is possibly the most iconic of these games except that monkey island game but I didn't play so it's not important.They literally don't make them like they used to and for good reason.
We are presented with a 2-d world in which the items that we need to progress stick out of a prerendered background. We collect these items and attempt to use them logically to solve puzzles. Sometimes however there is no logic to the puzzles and we find the games are a case of trial and error, with it weighing heavily on the error part.
The P.A.C. (point and click) requires immense amounts of patience as a fair portion of the puzzles aren't given any clues or hints at how they can be completed. A great game always rewards a player when they do something outstanding and unique. Games like Hitman in which you can get (to an extent) creative in the ways in which you kill your targets. However P.A.C.'s sometimes give us the cold-shoulder as we attempt to do something outside the box.
I'm sure I can use that
tail sock for something
This is why these games will never be 'The Best' or 'innovative' because the puzzles and gameplay are played out like 1+1=2. We find a clue, apply it to a puzzle and you get the reward. In the likes of COD and FIFA the gameplay is unique and different everytime you play it. Not even online does this happen, single player is the same because difficulty levels give these games more dimensions.
The P.A.C.'s have evolved with the likes of the Sherlock Holmes games, but in essence they are the same with the exception of the Walking Dead and even then... They'll always have a soft-spot in my heart but I don't expect I will to force my children to play it, Resident Evil and Doom on the other hand...
My kids are going to have
such a good time!
Monday 18 August 2014
Attack on Titan: What do the Titans Represent?
Attack on Titan is definitely one of the best animes that has graced our laptops. Hundreds of years ago, mankind was brought to near extinction when Titans first made the ground shake. Titans are several stories tall and devour humans for the fun of it. They have zero intelligence, no reproduction system and have the ability to regenerate from lethal wounds. The only way to stop them is to cut deep into the nape of the neck, rendering their regeneration abilities void. Humans retreated behind a walled city, that is hundreds of metres high, which even the tallest titan can not reach. After 100 years of safety however the Colossal Titan appeared from nowhere which was so tall he could peer over the walled city. He smashed down the gate and let the flood of titans into the last bastion of human defiance. So began The Attack on Titan!
The steampunk mix of giants and depression has taken the animated world by storm and is already cemented as one of the classics. With it's intense action sequences and twisting story line I think it may be on a par with Death-Note, maybe even better because !!!!!!SPOILER!!!!! even though they you know done the same thing as Death Note did with L but at least they brought him back this time! Ah not really a spoiler, mysterious...
A was recently having a conversation with a good hetreosexual friend of mine (hi Bryan) about the symbolism of the giants in the series. The big calm smiles on the grotesquely misshapen monsters is makes these freaks one of the most disturbing enemies mankind has faced. With such an iconic vision of horror it made us wonder if these giants actually represent something in our world.
My friend came up with the theory that is how the Japanananese see the Western man. I put forth my far superior theory which stated that the giants were in fact the representation of America's threat over Japan.
There are several aspects about the giants that back up this theory. The first is the superior numbers versus technology. Japan is stereotypically seen as the most technologically advanced countries in the world out of necessity. Just like the humans in Attack on Titan have an advanced attacking system compared to the 'I'll just eat you Titans.' Plus the humans wear clothes. The Titans seems endless after so many we see slain there is an endless supply of the bloodthirsty giants. Just like how America have 300 million billion people Japan has a population of only 17, maybe 18 I heard a couple was pregnant, 19 if they were having twins.
The hunger is possibly the most obvious thing about the Titans that America share. It deepens with the fact that the titans don't actually eat for nourishment but out of bloodlust. They gorge simply because they can, ignoring all other animals. This can be represented with how America gorges themselves beyond their need to fill their hunger, eating beyond their needs. By the way these are all based on stereotypes. I haven't actually seen that many overweight Americans while living in New York...I live in New York.
Japanese people are considered to be a fairly small people, averaging at only 3 feet in height at their tallest. Americans however can achieve heights of over 9 feet before they hit puberty. The reason why the Titans dwarf the humans so much is because they represent Americans physical dominance over Japanese people.
NEXT ONE IS A SPOILER!!!!!!! SKIP IT if you haven't watched the series yet but are considering it because it ruins such an amazing part of the series. It was awesome believe me so good. Seriously though you should watch it.
I am currently only up to episode 16 but I have a few guesses upon where the the series is headed. Eren has the ability to Titan up his strength and size by turning into a Titan, see what I did there. Although I have not seen this yet in the series I consider the possibility that at some point the other characters will be able to do this as well. This may represent how American culture is influencing the youth of Japan, even if we just take Eren into account: Eren is a young, head-strong boy recently turned man (around episode 3.) When he turns into a Titan he may only be around 18-19 years old, showing how when he reaches manhood the American culture has taken over his growth and is leading him to their way of life.
It's possible that there are other things to look at that support this theory, but I need to carry on watching the series. Netflix has it by the way oh wait the American one does because I live in New York I get the American Netflix which is awesome...I live in New York.
If you have your own (SPOILER FREE) theories comment below. If you haven't watched the series I implore you to do so. It's one of the greatest shows, plus it's steampunk which is great anyway.
Hey you!
The steampunk mix of giants and depression has taken the animated world by storm and is already cemented as one of the classics. With it's intense action sequences and twisting story line I think it may be on a par with Death-Note, maybe even better because !!!!!!SPOILER!!!!! even though they you know done the same thing as Death Note did with L but at least they brought him back this time! Ah not really a spoiler, mysterious...
A was recently having a conversation with a good hetreosexual friend of mine (hi Bryan) about the symbolism of the giants in the series. The big calm smiles on the grotesquely misshapen monsters is makes these freaks one of the most disturbing enemies mankind has faced. With such an iconic vision of horror it made us wonder if these giants actually represent something in our world.
So creepy
My friend came up with the theory that is how the Japanananese see the Western man. I put forth my far superior theory which stated that the giants were in fact the representation of America's threat over Japan.
There are several aspects about the giants that back up this theory. The first is the superior numbers versus technology. Japan is stereotypically seen as the most technologically advanced countries in the world out of necessity. Just like the humans in Attack on Titan have an advanced attacking system compared to the 'I'll just eat you Titans.' Plus the humans wear clothes. The Titans seems endless after so many we see slain there is an endless supply of the bloodthirsty giants. Just like how America have 300 million billion people Japan has a population of only 17, maybe 18 I heard a couple was pregnant, 19 if they were having twins.
Unzip...
The hunger is possibly the most obvious thing about the Titans that America share. It deepens with the fact that the titans don't actually eat for nourishment but out of bloodlust. They gorge simply because they can, ignoring all other animals. This can be represented with how America gorges themselves beyond their need to fill their hunger, eating beyond their needs. By the way these are all based on stereotypes. I haven't actually seen that many overweight Americans while living in New York...I live in New York.
While looking for this picture
I spoiled a part of the series for myself
I am heartbroken
Japanese people are considered to be a fairly small people, averaging at only 3 feet in height at their tallest. Americans however can achieve heights of over 9 feet before they hit puberty. The reason why the Titans dwarf the humans so much is because they represent Americans physical dominance over Japanese people.
NEXT ONE IS A SPOILER!!!!!!! SKIP IT if you haven't watched the series yet but are considering it because it ruins such an amazing part of the series. It was awesome believe me so good. Seriously though you should watch it.
I am currently only up to episode 16 but I have a few guesses upon where the the series is headed. Eren has the ability to Titan up his strength and size by turning into a Titan, see what I did there. Although I have not seen this yet in the series I consider the possibility that at some point the other characters will be able to do this as well. This may represent how American culture is influencing the youth of Japan, even if we just take Eren into account: Eren is a young, head-strong boy recently turned man (around episode 3.) When he turns into a Titan he may only be around 18-19 years old, showing how when he reaches manhood the American culture has taken over his growth and is leading him to their way of life.
Everything below is good to read
It's possible that there are other things to look at that support this theory, but I need to carry on watching the series. Netflix has it by the way oh wait the American one does because I live in New York I get the American Netflix which is awesome...I live in New York.
If you have your own (SPOILER FREE) theories comment below. If you haven't watched the series I implore you to do so. It's one of the greatest shows, plus it's steampunk which is great anyway.
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