Shave your beard? More like Shave Your Dick

Beards are the best invention since photoshop. They literally make ugly people look better, that's why I am not single any more. Most men with beards are actually unattractive without them and they boast how manly they look with them but in actual fact are fearful of shaving because it exposes their hidden virginity on their per-pubescent faces.

So you starting a new job and they say you have to shave your beard. What do you do? You know if you shave it you'll no longer be a 'man' and by 'man' I mean a weak-chinned-facade-of-a-boy. If you don't shave it though you won't be earning all that extra money to take all your mislead girls on dates.

The answer is simple - Don't Shave! You think I'm going to shave even though if I don't I'm not ever going to get out of the service industry? I'm happy to be forever waiting on successful, secure, fulfilled human beings than to get rid of my man burqa. I shave and I lose any credibility that I actually have a dick.

It has been that long that you've had facial hair that shaving it means you have no dick. Why else would anyone go out with you? They are a guarantee to women that your childlike face can't be misconstrued for an androgynous baby.

On some level woman know you are a ugly, they're not stupid. But the beard is a well designed veil that allows them to ignore that fact as well as you and the rest of the world. The media is actual run by ugly people, that's why it's now 'cool' or acceptable to have a beard.

So if someone wants you to trim or shave your repulsive-face-barrier than simply direct them to a buzzfeed video detailing them on why beards are ok to have in any job now. Because if there is one thing I know is if buzz feed do a video on something then everyone has to be ok with whatever they are saying.