I was drunk when I found the pictures.

Yesterday's storm brought destruction, sadness and death. It also brought to realisation how the internet can't take a joke. There was an incident involving facebook, a hurricane, a cat and a madeleine mccann joke. The person involved was banned from faebook immediately with no warning. The person was sent a heavy amount of hatemail.

To be fair I do feel better

Now I'm not saying what they said was funny, or whether it was right. What I'm saying is the reaction was totally unnecessary. I have my beliefs and causes that if they are insulted I would be saying how horrible the person was for saying it but I wouldn't call for them to be silenced. The reason being how can we ascertain what is funny and what is offensive.

It's a question of freedom of speech. Now everytime I make a joke about AIDS or the Holocaust on facebook I'll be worried about a reprimand by the powers that be. It wasn't like the person committed an insane crime, just they made a joke about an insane crime.

I feel like I'm pushing things too far.

So this is why women wanted to shag him

Russell Brand our generation's Casanova was always an enigma to me. I couldn't see why so many women would swoon for him, it wasn't even out of jealously more curiosity. Now when I watched this video I was immediately turned on.

Listen to the array of words he says. He must be one of the most articulated person on this planet. Imagine everything he is saying, the pace, the long words but instead he was trying to chat a woman up. Who wouldn't sleep with him after the barrage of words, that would at the very least confuse them into hornyness.

In all seriousness however Russell Brand has never been my favourite comedian, I thought he was more funny in films then his stand up. I also thought him aloof and didn't really pay attention to anything he did. Now however I respect him as much as I do my idols. 

I didn't take much notice to him because in the media his personal life was fairly haphazard and silly. He was mocked for his sex addiction and berated and blamed for his part in the marriage with Katy Perry. Now I know why! They were afraid, this genius with words would make his political views known to the world. I am one of those people who has all sorts of opinion but I can never verbalise them. Most of the time I have this great argument in my head, with names and dates to back it up but whenever it came time to use them I would forget the entire thing and just sound like a suggestible idiot who read a little article and thought it sounded smart. Brand is the total opposite, not only can he hit Paxman with some facts but he backs them up with a beautiful vocabulary which makes whatever he is talking about sound even more plausible. Even if you don't agree with Russell Brand you have to admit he is impressive in this video.

The reason why I respect him so much however; not only do I agree with what he is saying, but he is so passionate about it. You can hear it in his voice the emotion is thick, so thick it threatens to break his trail of word-gems. He's also not quick to anger, like a human being he can make a joke out of himself, he sees the funny side. Not like Paxman who for all his career has worn a similiar suit and not thought 'the old boss, same as the new boss' a little ironic.

The only thing I could have added for Russell Brand, the only thing missing was a great quote from a Richard Linklater film called Waking Life. It goes:

'To withdraw in disgust, is not the same as apathy.'

If only I was there...

Review: An Apple

There are several things in life that can make you believe in God. One of which happened to me today. As I bit into the apple that now lays in my bin with one single chunk bitten out of it I realised there was Hell. The Apple in question was the most putrid and despicable things I have not only eaten but had the sad fortune to even look at.

I understand that we have to eat most fruits in a certain amount of given time, otherwise they do go bad. But this little bitch of a fruit wasn't even past its little sell by date. It just decided to be awful. This probably wouldn't have been such a bad apple but it came a time that the only thing that would quench my hunger, fill the void that had festered in the pit of my stomach was an apple. It obviously wasn't that dramatic, I just felt like an apple. Suffice to say I was a little pissed off that the thing that I felt like at that precise moment, was an apple, possibly the most consistently good tasting things, that turned out bad.



So this is why I am going to give this an apple a rating of 57/62.5. I know you are asking yourself 'Why are you rating this apple so high?' Well this apple, this shit fucking apple is the purest meaning of a blessing in disguise.

I know there is God and Heaven now. You see my friends if apples could taste this bad, an apple that wasn't past its going off date, taste that bad then there must be a hell. No apple tastes that bad if its not past its going off date unless some spawn of Satan created it. So although I mightn't be able to trust apples again  I now know there is a GOD! Isn't that great?



I'm just joking there was no bad apple, God doesn't exist, when we die there is just black. And I still love apples, they're the best fruit ever, as if there was going to be a bad one.

Shopping and the two sexes

There's a few pro's and cons to being a male same with being a female. The saddest thing however is that women love to shop. This isn't a stereotype, its a fact, we all know it and I only deal in facts. Facts and toys like Father Christmas except I'm not a paedophile. The sad part to this is, women are awful shoppers specifically clothes.

It's true that like most men in a relationship we've had to go along with them when they shop. Now if they are good girlfriends they won't have you in the shops for too long, luckily thats the relationship I'm in. However I got a glimpse at what it was like to be a female shopper. For something they love so much it causes them so much pain. Again these are things I know, facts and toys remember, but without children. They get all flustered and annoyed with sizes, things aren't in the right colour, one piece is fine but won't match the whole ensemble of the dress. It's a psychological battle between two parts of their brain and sometimes neither side win. This is how men shop: Walk in, scan racks, sees something he likes, picks up, decides, buys/walks out. Boom! Done. Completed. World saved. With women its: fwetfhewiofjdsojfdiowjfdajfgreai! ARGH! My leg! THE HORROR. In that order. Again facts, not a paedo.

Another thing men will walk in to the changing rooms with max three items, women will have the most amount you are allowed which I'm sure is more then what the men are allocated (sexism? I might have to investigate further) and not even buy one of these things. I'm sure we both like the purchases we get with the same amount of appreciation for how they make us too, but we (men) don't get all that excess baggage. For example women return clothes! Men we try our clothes on (if this is even necessary) and think 'yeah I like it' or 'nah i don't like it' either way we make up our minds there then. Women will try it on, then something in their thought process goes missing, they buy it, then go home and decided they don't fucking want it. Excuse me universe but something is wrong with the natural order of how women shop. Le Facts, je ne paedo pas!

I just thought however that I love Liverpool FC so...