Modern Toys

Is it me or are all Toys today shit? No it isn't me and you know how I know? Because I'm a man child so I know. Remember when you were watching the telly and the new action man or RC car advert came on. You immediately got a tiny boner for those scalextric tracks that covered 8 football pitches. And remember how they made those landscapes that would make diecast metal tanks look even more awesome. You knew that you wouldn't be able to have that forest or rocky landscape they used in the advert but that didn't matter because you were so blinded by your desire to get it.

Does an Iphone have abs like these?

What toy advert even come close today? None because all toys today are shit. Recently a fellow man child friend of mine and me went into a toy shop (in be4 paedophile jokes). It was simply laughable the awful quality of toys that soiled the shelves. I couldn't even find any action men, the backbone of any young boys toy collection. Toy guns used to be all I think about, my plastic arsenal was enough to arm a small army and actually make them combat effect. Now the shelves are empty, children's imagination are threatened to be overtaken by all those enemy soldiers that are attempting to invade their living room.

I am not going to accept the argument of 'Kids today just want to play on their xbox.' Not they fucking don't, kids have zero patience and attention span. Also I used to have a playstation, the best console ever (next to the dreamcast) and I still loved to play with my Resident Evil toys rather then the game sometimes. I had Jill and Honk and Leon, couldn't find Claire or Chris. I also got a zombie and a spider and a licker with the none undead with some awesome guns to go with it as well. So my generation of playing games is more or less the same as todays so don't give me that garbarge or an argument (that's french  for rubbish by the way).

 Exactly the one I had. Although

he had a revolver as well.

I put it all to todays quality of toys. Go into a Toys 'R' Us or their so called excuse for one and you'll agree. Nothing beats actual toys not even an Xbox One or PS4 because no game they make will ever beat the imagination of a child's or a heroin addict. 

Where are you now?!

3 of my Favourite Comedy Things

I was recently crying over nothing at all when I thought, 'It has been a long time since I've watched something that made me laugh so hard I wanted to die.' It got me thinking about what films forced me to pause the show out of fear of asphyxiation on my own laughter. So I made a list:

1. Mighty Boosh Live Tour 

The one that came immediately to mind was the first Mighty Boosh tour. I was previously ignorant on the show until a friend (who is one of those friends who always buys the better version of everything you have) played it to me and the laughter was constant. A joke every 10 seconds, which is brilliant because it forces you to watch it several times to catch them all. The greatest thing about the Mighty Boosh is there is a string of jokes that look like mistakes and so enforced the amateurish style of the Mighty Boosh. They were in fact written in, which is surely something close to genius because it was making us laugh with them rather than at their ineptitude.

2. Shaun of the Dead

Perfect. This film is perfect. It exaggerates the British mentality in disasters which just so happens to be hilarious. It's the best film the Cornetto trio could have created ever. Their style of comedy, with their geeky references is just what the doctor ordered, the doctor of jokes and laughter that is! My favourite part has to be when he first encounters his mother and they have that back and forth of whether or not she really loves Philip. It is so quintessential of an english mother and son relationship when he corrects himself from saying mother to mum. Plus killing zombies with a cricket bat is qualitaaay.

3.  Ghosbusters

Possibly the best comedy with ghosts in ever. Bill Murray, Harold Ramis and if you want the other fellas name google it, I'm too busy to remember it at this time made the best film the trio could come up with. The best thing about this show is more often than not you watched it as a child. You enjoyed the action and the light comedy but when you get older you release how intelligent and constant the comedy actually is. You discover how Bill Murray is made of gold, comedy gold that is!

So there are a few of my favourite comedies. May they bring you some laughter when you dark days are ah-DAN AYKROYD that's the other fella!