How Having a Girlfriend Gamer is Actually an Awful Thing.

'Arrrr my girlfriends amazing we play games together and everything.' Said the biggest liar in the world!

When males are young and naive they dream of a girlfriend who they could one day re-tell their gaming stories with as if it was like spinning romantic yarns of sunny days out to the beach and running through the woods mid-storm. As we get older however we realise that this isn't the case at all, in fact we want our girlfriends to stay as far away from our gaming consoles as humanly possible.

Sure having some fun on Mario Kart and the occasional beat-em up is cool and fun, Battlefield and Left 4 Dead on the other hand should be out of bounds. Remember when you and you're friends were experiencing some rather difficult opponents on a game of Conquest? Do you also remember having to carry one or two of your friends as you struggle to match your opponents skill? And also how you wanted to scream at your friends 'What the fuck are you doing? Are you that shit that you can't defend the C flag for more than 10 seconds so I can at least disrupt their hold on A flag?!' Yes of course you do.

The beautiful things with girlfriends is how you can share your innermost insecurities and thoughts without fear of reprisal. It's a great thing relationships, we as an evolved species have revolutionised how we interact and bond with our mates.

So couple all that bullshit with that fact that you have a female playing with you on Call of Duty S&D and she doesn't know what cover objective A means while you sweep the flanks. Instead she sees someone coming up behind you reloads instead of shooting and you lose the round yet again. What happens? You obviously tell her 'What the fuck are you doing? I said cover me!'

And even if you aren't competitive (which is a category I can put myself in, obviously) males are solitary creatures and as such need a portion of time to themselves to relax their mind. Gaming is one of the escapes we go to, where we can totally shut-off and ignore the man-made illusion of 'reality' kind've like yoga for people with testicles.

It's true my male friends, you mightn't know it but that is the case. Now think of this beautiful and serene place being invaded by an emotional, sometimes illogical and emotion-based decision making monster that is the love of your life. The place you counted as your home from home will now be an extension of the bourgeois-elitist made prison that is 'society.'

So cherish the alone time because as they say absence makes the heart grow founder and a girl always has a minus Kill/Death Ratio.

Disclaimer: All facts are 100% proven by the science of common sense. If you have any problems the views and opinions expressed by the writer are entirely his own:

5 Fantastic Point and Click Adventure Games

I feel bad for slating the P.C.A. games last post because they aren't that bad, just old. So to make it up to those little scoundrels I've decided to compose a list, we all love lists, of my favourite Point and Click games.

1. Discworld

Terry Pratchett's Discworld is brought to life in the 1995 release for the Playstation. It was probably released for other consoles but who cares. The game starred Rincewind voiced by Eric Idle and so was one of the more funnier games of its generation. However the game's puzzles were a bit contrived even for a Point and Click adventure. Expect to feel guilty for reading a walkthrough for the game.


2. Little Big Adventure

One of the most innovative and original of the genre's, Little Big Adventure is one of the most underrated games ever. Puzzles and character interaction was given greater depth by its mood-tab bar (I think that's what it was called), which gave the player the choice to alter the characters mood to help them approach different puzzles. Not exactly a point and click game in the original sense mainly due to how far ahead this game was.


3. Blazing Dragons

A truly hilarious game who's jokes had child and adult undertones to make it fun for the whole family (I feel a bit sick for using that line).  Voiced by a virtually unknown couple of people the game still managed to be amusing. The puzzles were good difficult but solvable, except that one which you had to get your friend to come over and solve.


4. Broken Sword

If you need a break from all the nostalgia I completely understand. Broken Sword, one of the most famous of all the P.C.A. games is a must for anyone looking to get into the genre. Any beginner to the genre I'd say this should be the first you play. Puzzles fantastic, characters funny and real and entertaining to the last mouse click. Still available on Amazon for a cheap price any fans of the game or people who want to play an addictive and complex game BUY IT!


5. Blade Runner

This game has a chance of winning so many categories: Best Film to Game, Most Underrated Game of All Time, Best P.C.A. Best Storyline, I could go on, but I've run out of categories. Suffice to say this was an excellent game, immersive, great graphics, great gameplay, deep storyline, in-depth characters. It truly had it all and due to the time it was released didn't really get its just rewards. Set in the same universe as the film but a separate storyline. It gave it artistic license to build apart from the film so there were no boundaries. It used all the great things from the film but broke away from the restrictions that film-games have. Definitely worth a play.

Broken Sword: Point and Shit Adventure

This game has to be one of my favourites of all time. The characters are hilarious, the story gripping and nostalgic feeling that makes this game one of my most re-visited games ever. However I see it as a success that these games no longer get made.

Paris in the Fall

The point and click adventure is from a by-gone era. Broken Sword is possibly the most iconic of these games except that monkey island game but I didn't play so it's not important.They literally don't make them like they used to and for good reason.

We are presented with a 2-d world in which the items that we need to progress stick out of a prerendered background. We collect these items and attempt to use them logically to solve puzzles. Sometimes however there is no logic to the puzzles and we find the games are a case of trial and error, with it weighing heavily on the error part. 

The P.A.C. (point and click) requires immense amounts of patience as a fair portion of the puzzles aren't given any clues or hints at how they can be completed. A great game always rewards a player when they do something outstanding and unique. Games like Hitman in which you can get (to an extent) creative in the ways in which you kill your targets. However P.A.C.'s sometimes give us the cold-shoulder as we attempt to do something outside the box.

 I'm sure I can use that

tail sock for something

This is why these games will never be 'The Best' or 'innovative' because the puzzles and gameplay are played out like 1+1=2. We find a clue, apply it to a puzzle and you get the reward. In the likes of COD and FIFA the gameplay is unique and different everytime you play it. Not even online does this happen, single player is the same because difficulty levels give these games more dimensions.

The P.A.C.'s have evolved with the likes of the Sherlock Holmes games, but in essence they are the same with the exception of the Walking Dead and even then... They'll always have a soft-spot in my heart but I don't expect I will to force my children to play it, Resident Evil and Doom on the other hand...

My kids are going to have

such a good time!

Attack on Titan: What do the Titans Represent?

 Attack on Titan is definitely one of the best animes that has graced our laptops. Hundreds of years ago, mankind was brought to near extinction when Titans first made the ground shake. Titans are several stories tall and devour humans for the fun of it. They have zero intelligence, no reproduction system and have the ability to regenerate from lethal wounds. The only way to stop them is to cut deep into the nape of the neck, rendering their regeneration abilities void. Humans retreated behind a walled city, that is hundreds of metres high, which even the tallest titan can not reach. After 100 years of safety however the Colossal Titan appeared from nowhere which was so tall he could peer over the walled city. He smashed down the gate and let the flood of titans into the last bastion of human defiance. So began The Attack on Titan!

Hey you!

The steampunk mix of giants and depression has taken the animated world by storm and is already cemented as one of the classics. With it's intense action sequences and twisting story line I think it may be on a par with Death-Note, maybe even better because !!!!!!SPOILER!!!!! even though they you know done the same thing as Death Note did with L but at least they brought him back this time! Ah not really a spoiler, mysterious...

A was recently having a conversation with a good hetreosexual friend of mine (hi Bryan) about the symbolism of the giants in the series. The big calm smiles on the grotesquely misshapen monsters is makes these freaks one of the most disturbing enemies mankind has faced. With such an iconic vision of horror it made us wonder if these giants actually represent something in our world.

 So creepy

My friend came up with the theory that is how the Japanananese see the Western man. I put forth my far superior theory which stated that the giants were in fact the representation of America's threat over Japan.

There are several aspects about the giants that back up this theory. The first is the superior numbers versus technology. Japan is stereotypically seen as the most technologically advanced countries in the world out of necessity. Just like the humans in Attack on Titan have an advanced attacking system compared to the 'I'll just eat you Titans.' Plus the humans wear clothes. The Titans seems endless after so many we see slain there is an endless supply of the bloodthirsty giants.  Just like how America have 300 million billion people Japan has a population of only 17, maybe 18 I heard a couple was pregnant, 19 if they were having twins.

 Unzip...

The hunger is possibly the most obvious thing about the Titans that America share. It deepens with the fact that the titans don't actually eat for nourishment but out of bloodlust. They gorge simply because they can, ignoring all other animals. This can be represented with how America gorges themselves beyond their need to fill their hunger, eating beyond their needs. By the way these are all based on stereotypes. I haven't actually seen that many overweight Americans while living in New York...I live in New York.

While looking for this picture 

I spoiled a part of the series for myself

I am heartbroken

 Japanese people are considered to be a fairly small people, averaging at only 3 feet in height at their tallest. Americans however can achieve heights of over 9 feet before they hit puberty. The reason why the Titans dwarf the humans so much is because they represent Americans physical dominance over Japanese people.

NEXT ONE IS A SPOILER!!!!!!! SKIP IT if you haven't watched the series yet but are considering it because it ruins such an amazing part of the series. It was awesome believe me so good. Seriously though you should watch it.

I am currently only up to episode 16 but I have a few guesses upon where the the series is headed. Eren has the ability to Titan up his strength and size by turning into a Titan, see what I did there. Although I have not seen this yet in the series I consider the possibility that at some point the other characters will be able to do this as well. This may represent how American culture is influencing the youth of Japan, even if we just take Eren into account: Eren is a young, head-strong boy recently turned man (around episode 3.) When he turns into a Titan he may only be around 18-19 years old, showing how when he reaches manhood the American culture has taken over his growth and is leading him to their way of life.

Everything below is good to read

It's possible that there are other things to look at that support this theory, but I need to carry on watching the series. Netflix has it by the way oh wait the American one does because I live in New York I get the American Netflix which is awesome...I live in New York.

If you have your own (SPOILER FREE) theories comment below. If you haven't watched the series I implore you to do so. It's one of the greatest shows, plus it's steampunk which is great anyway.

Advice for New York in the Summer Time

First and foremost this place is hot. If you have as much Anglo-Saxo blood in you as me, then the sun and the heat have always been a source of annoyance to you. In England we get the odd few week that we can maneuver our lives around so we aren't exposed to too much of it, in New York however it is impossible. Constant sun for the whole summer, literally I've been here for coming up to a month and it's rained three times, overcast about four. Even then, in those days there were long hours of pure inescapable sunshine. Pack shorts and a lot of thing white shirts. I have to an extent acclimatised to the weather, I've even picked up a little tan thank you very much. One thing that'll take me a little longer to acclimatise to is the amount you sweat.

There is no way getting around it: you'll sweat a lot. It's disgusting, but it's perfectly naturally. You'll sweat and get dehydrated so you drink some water only to sweat that out as well. Accept it, that's my advice. The more you accept, the less you worry, the less you sweat (slightly). Plus they don't even sell spray antiperspirant in New York. I don't know if it's the shops I've been visiting but I think I've found like two and they're just deodorant, shit is cray, just that roll on stuff and that's only for women. The other piece of advice, if you are renting a flat, take as many showers as you can. Most places will have hot water built into the rent so utilize it. Take as many as you possibly can, this won't stop you sweating of course, possibly just frustrate you because you'll get out the shower and within fifteen minutes start sweating all over again.

Be careful with Fast-food. This is the big one. I live near an avenue that literally has 6/8 of the most biggest fast food chains. There is KFC, MacDonalds, Pizza Hut, Dunkin Donuts, Wendy's and Burger King. The only two that is missing are White Castle and Popeye's then the circle would be complete. I have to be very careful, I love fast food and because my metabolism has always been a monster, it has been like water off my back. I am twenty-four now though so it's about to hit it's peak and start to splutter and die. This is the time I have to resist temptation so when my metabolism does give out I'll be used to it. The good news is, there is a cheap gym around the corner so I can just work out for an hour and a half then go to KFC and it all balances out. PARFAIT! (french for 'is right lad')

4 Good Youtube Channels

Boredom is the one thing we are scared of more than anything else. It's the biggest thing we wish against and on our deathbed we hope we have had as little of it in life as possible. So to save against the minutes when are sitting on the toilet or waiting for the adverts to finish here are four youtube channels that can fill the gaps.

1. Honest Trailers.

Honest trailers can be found on these two channels below. Search the film or game you want an honest trailer of and see if its on the list. Expect spoilers and in jokes.

Screenjunkies and Smoshgames

2. Cinema Sins

Filled your with your favourite films that are kindly ripped to shreds and show even the best of films have failings. However it does showcase the very worst of films as well such Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the List Skull and World War Z.

3. VitalyzdTv

Vitalyzd is possibly the most famous prankster in the world because of this video. That's right, he's streaking in the World Cup. However his other videos are a lot more shocking and funny. For example there is the Gold Digger Prank and the Zombie in the Hood Prank.

4. Watchmojo.com

Recently I've been devouring the videos Watchmojo make. List videos are becoming the new craze and its why WatchMojo have just under 5  millions subscribers. Easy watches that are simply there to keep the boredom at bay. Watch some of their videos here and here.

Enjoy

I tried watching Oculus

I tried watching Oculus with my girlfriend and her sister yesterday night. I say tried because we stopped watching it with 30 minutes to go. The film was 104 minutes long so we had sat through 74 minutes of it so we gave Oculus its chance. The main problem is that we felt the film hadn't started yet.

The film is about a sister trying to exonerate her family and convince the world her brothers actions were not through fault of his own but under the influence of the mirror. This is done by, on the day of the release of her brother from the mental hospital she 'hijacks' the mirror which is in the process of being delivered to a new owner and performs an experiment. Filming her and her brother's interactions with the mirror she hopes to prove people act strange around the mirror before destroying it.

I don't want to go into how the relationship between the brother and sister wasn't believable and the little plot holes and 'why did the character just do that' etc. because all movies have those problems and still achieve a level of watchability (I just created a word I know). The overall direction and pacing of the film didn't engage us. I was liking the progress of the story, how the past and future were parallel with each other, possibly the only thing that was engaging. Ultimately the future was a lot more boring than the past. The 'freakiness' of the mirror was a lot more evident in the past storyline than in the future so when it would jump to the future story the pace would drop right back down as the mirror's powers were just starting to emerge, which heavily damaged the atmosphere.

They were attempts to make these parts seamless as the stories would drift in together but the arguing between the siblings and slowness to have the brother 'realise' what was going on just broke that connection. What normally happens in horror films is there is a believer and sceptic and we are given 'doubtful' information so the believer is ridiculed for thinking there was a ghost. However in this instance we are given irrefutable proof something weird is going on and the sceptic is all like 'Ermegerd you are mad' too far into the film. PLUS the sceptic was the one who went to a mental hospital!

The doctor who let this kid out

really fucked up here

As a Doctor Who fan I was glad to see Karen Gillian in a lead role in America. I was disappointed by her performance though, I do feel like it was the direction she was given. There is a part in the film when she finds 'proof' that the mirror is manipulating and she shouts, a bit like a man YES (goes to another laptop) YES (and to another camera) YES (and finally the camera on the wall) YES. It was very annoying and not the reaction I was expecting (and not in a Sixth Sense kind've way).

That's what you get for

talking like a man

A little problem I have with the film is that I find it annoying. I said I wasn't going to go into plot holes but this one really annoyed me. Albeit I never finished this film so I may be getting myself into trouble, but the brother was sent to the mental house for shooting and killing his father. I think 'The little shit deserved it' at the start but as you watch the flashbacks and Karen's character Kaylie tells us, her father went insane as well as their mother. The mother became paranoid and abusive toward the children and father, so the father locked her up in the bedroom, tortured her and finally shot her in the head. Shortly after I believe he went after the kids, although I never saw this part, so I think why did this kid go to the loony bin. He certainly should have been given a medal. His father had the gun in the first place, already killed his mother, even if he never turned on his children I think the Judge would have sided with the kid here.

All in all the film isn't good, awful pacing, poor direction, wasted potential which is probably the most painful because the film did have potential. Don't watch it as it has just recently been released on DVD/Blu-Ray save yourself $15 (because I'm in America now :) )

The Article by me That Was Banned For Being Too Dangerous

3 Games That Started a Craze

by Peter-Shaun Tyrell

Before I start I want to add this disclaimer - These are the video games that started the craze. Although a video game may have used the things I discuss they never caught on and saw other games repeat their innovations. They were overlooked by the mainstream media and the focus fell on the games mentioned below.

3. Grand Theft Auto: Ignoring Main Missions

Missions or storylines in games entice us to play the next level, without the mission briefing we are lost lambs traversing the land of game limbo. Then Grand Theft Auto came onto the scene. I don’t believe I finished the first or second GTA this was when it was the birds eye view GTA. I would name my character BSTARD which would give me full armour and all the weapons and go nuts. It was enough for me to spend hours looking over the city looking for the tank that had a working cannon. Hours of fun that would normally require a series of completing levels and feeling of accomplishment were replaced with hours of carnal chaos. It was glorious, now we have so many distractions so many games go unfinished as we divulge in our own series of random and pointless quests.

2. Call of Duty: Aiming Down the Sight

Before the introduction of aiming down the sight or ADS, aiming was only done through the cross hairs centred in the middle of the screen. It was such an alien concept that when COD showcased it, it blew our primordial minds away. Ever since this historic day no game which strives for realism would dare to exclude it from the game. It is also safe to assume that ever since this game Hollywood re-evaluated shoot-outs, forcing the heroes to actually aim their weapons. When you watch or play ‘realistic’ games now and ADS is not a factor it feels very weak and loses that realism immediately. Our character would just charge into hordes of enemies like Rambo, hip-firing with deadly accuracy, very cool but not very realistic.

1. Resident Evil: Zombies

Zombies. Zombies. I just love saying Zombies. When I saw the first screenshots of Resident Evil I was overjoyed, the concept of slow moving enemies that could only be eliminated by puncturing several rounds into its primitive, ex-deceased mind send such waves of pleasure through me, few things have been able to top it, it was on my 6^th birthday. Now although zombies existed before this, it was Resident Evil that introduced them as a foe to fear, a game that would centre around the infamous enemy itself. Some may say zombies in games are overused but are they? I ask myself this every time I go to sleep, then I wake up and laugh at my yesterday self and say ‘No we need more!’ The COD zombies for some are more popular then the main game, the Red Dead DLC was huge and very popular. DayZ the Arma 2 mod had people buying the game just for the mod. Although not official Zombies have became a genre upon itself, all thanks to the classic Resident Evil.

What You Don't Like The Same Food As Me? You're Weird.

How can someone not like pasta? Or how can someone not like the film Shawshank Redemption? Or what you don't like The Beatles? You are strange, you should be cast out by society and thrown into the fires in case you waste any essential oxygen.

Oh wait people are unique and like different things? Wow this is brand new information!

If everyone liked the majority then there wouldn't be such a thing as minority, which is cool. Who has ever heard of the film Kids? No one, I know. Well it's awesome it's about skateboarders doing drugs, having sex with underage girls, its amazing! Youtube it:

One of the reasons I like it is that I get to introduce it to other people and they are also as wowed by it as me. They turn to me and say 'Peter-Shaun Tyrell of the Eclectic Geek blog thank you for introducing this film to me, it has changed my life.' If everyone had seen this then I wouldn't get to hear that amazing sentence.

And so what if I don't like tea or coffee, both things taste like shit. When I drink them, I pull a face like this:

And no one wants that. I seriously might changed that picture its making me sick a bit. And you know why I don't like avocado?

Because it looks like:

They're like twins.

So leave  people alone when they tell you they don't like cous cous because people are unique. And if you don't I'll send more pictures like these. By the way that poo is a novelty fake poo so you shouldn't feel sick.