Review: An Apple

There are several things in life that can make you believe in God. One of which happened to me today. As I bit into the apple that now lays in my bin with one single chunk bitten out of it I realised there was Hell. The Apple in question was the most putrid and despicable things I have not only eaten but had the sad fortune to even look at.

I understand that we have to eat most fruits in a certain amount of given time, otherwise they do go bad. But this little bitch of a fruit wasn't even past its little sell by date. It just decided to be awful. This probably wouldn't have been such a bad apple but it came a time that the only thing that would quench my hunger, fill the void that had festered in the pit of my stomach was an apple. It obviously wasn't that dramatic, I just felt like an apple. Suffice to say I was a little pissed off that the thing that I felt like at that precise moment, was an apple, possibly the most consistently good tasting things, that turned out bad.



So this is why I am going to give this an apple a rating of 57/62.5. I know you are asking yourself 'Why are you rating this apple so high?' Well this apple, this shit fucking apple is the purest meaning of a blessing in disguise.

I know there is God and Heaven now. You see my friends if apples could taste this bad, an apple that wasn't past its going off date, taste that bad then there must be a hell. No apple tastes that bad if its not past its going off date unless some spawn of Satan created it. So although I mightn't be able to trust apples again  I now know there is a GOD! Isn't that great?



I'm just joking there was no bad apple, God doesn't exist, when we die there is just black. And I still love apples, they're the best fruit ever, as if there was going to be a bad one.