Bouncers Are Paedophiles

Bouncers are paedophiles.

You want proof? Here it is!

5 Film Greats

To save on some of my precious creativity I thought it would be easie-Interesting to have a weekly segment on my blog. That being my 5 greats of something, its films this week, it could be films next week, or could be types of fish. Either way, see it as a recommendation list, not a top 5 thing. I reserve that to the most important matters like cereals. Whatever is in these lists I implore you to check them out. The numerical order has nothing to do with rating they are simple there for cohesion and order.

1. Lonesome Jim

A film starring Casey Affleck in one of his lead roles. In it we follow a  late 20 something writer returning to his parents after an unsuccessful attempt to break New York. He sees himself as a failure and his depressed state is only exacerbated by the seemingly failed lives of others around him in his hometown. His brother Tim, a divorcee who coaches an awful all girls pre-teen basketball team. His uncle a dick who likes prostitutes and using his family to unknowingly help him deal drugs. This black comedy's strengths are its characters and the actors who bring them to reality. Liv Tyler, Casey Affleck, Kevin Corrigan (playing Tim), Mary Kay Place who plays his loveable mother among others, make this film an easy watch despite little happening in the narrative.

2. Cloverfield

Possibly the best cinematic experience of my life. This film blew me away when I watched it on the big screen, one of the only films I saw multiple times in the cinema. On DVD it is still a great watch. Matt Reeves directs a superb film that tells the story of a man, who on the night of his leaving party, realizes he's in love with the girl of his dream and he just has to tell her. Plus there is a giant monster in New York trying to cock block him. I'm not saying anymore, if you haven't seen it, do not speak to me until you have.

3. The Prodigal Son

It's between this and Way of the Dragon for Best Kung-Fu film. The Prodigal Son is about the son of a rich business man who loves his son more then anything in the world. Unknowingly to Leung Chang his father pays people around town to stage fights with him because he's afraid his son will get hurt. It reaches a point were the town of Canton now calls him the Kung-Fu King, people from all over travel to fight him, obviously looking to be paid off. However Leung Chang is rudely awoken to the realisation that his kung-fu is awful by an opera singer named Leung Yee-Tai and anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of the art could beat him. Leung Chang then asks his father to pay Leung Yee-Tai to become his master. The film is a classic kung-fu film, the right amount of humour, drama and action, very well balanced. Plus the training sequences for Wing-Chun are entertaining in themselves and show a lot of what gung-fu is actually all about.

4. Moon

Holy shit what a film. This won't be everyone's favourite sci-fi as all we have to keep our attention is the acting skills of Sam Rockwell (my favourite actor at the moment) and the unraveling mysterious storyline. There is no action and no relationships except of course the relationship between Sam Bell and SPOILER. Considering this, it still had me glued to the screen and very deeply intrigued, in fact the most intriguing and interesting film I've seen. The story line itself is fantastic, one of the most unique sci-fi films ever. Definitely in the top 10 sci-fi films, it's more of a 2001: Space Odyssey affair then let's say Aliens or Star Wars. But not too out there like Space Odyssey more close to Earth HA! That's a joke because its set on the moon and Space Odyssey was set in God's ball sack.

5. The Wood

3 teenagers growing up in L.A. cope with gangsters, girls and virginity. Most films set in L.A. we see are about how hard it is for african-americans coping against the system that is there to keep them down, heavy and eye-opening stuff, but its always good to have a balance. The Wood is what's on the other side of the see-saw. It's funny and comforting as the story is told retrospecitively from Mike (Mike Epps), a writer, who is one of the two best men at his best friends wedding. Any lad growing up has experienced what happens in this film, if you haven't then you haven't had a real childhood. Every single male on the planet can relate to this film, every single one. Without exception, except the weirdo's who didn't like sex. Seriously no film can say that, it's a more realistic version of American Pie, but I'd say more funny in a more subtle way.

So that's my five films that you need to watch. Your deadline for this homework is until the next time I see you..................I'm behind you.

Xbox One and Big Brother

Is it me or has the book 1984 by Orwell just became seriously real?

I know a lot of people will be all 'Well with our increasing relations with America' blah blah whatever. Yeah you're right, but those things aren't obvious and blatant, not unlike the Xbox One's new Kinect device.

For those who don't know, Xbox One comes with a Kinect device built in. It's a fun tool that allows more of an in-depth game experience where the player can directly influence the game with their voice and movements. For example in FIFA if you swear after the ref has made a decision, your club gets fined. Very very cool indeed, especially when you think of all the other possibilities this has to offer.

Now I only recently found out that the Kinect is always on. You can never turn it off, so everything you say and your motions are always being registered by this Kinect. Imagine when you are playing a game like FIFA and your gf walks in and steps on something, swears and you get the fine.

But let's take this more seriously, the Kinect also records everything and sends it back to its HQ, were they do whatever they want with the information they have gathered. It has been documented this information will be sold to third parties for advertisement companies so they can target you more accurately. If these companies can get hold of this information then who else. Obviously anyone can bid for your details.

In a recent argument I was observing, about this very subject the point was raised, 'Well if you don't agree with that, then stop using facebook, google Iphones etc.' And that person is 100% right. However the bit I left out is that the Kinect is a fully functioning camera. It's basically a CCTV aimed directly at you in the comfort of your own home and you can't turn it off whilst the Xbox is on. Now facebook and google, that's fine because it is me who types those things, it's my online fiction. It's not a real person saying those things but my avatar. My facebook profile has no written information about where I live, I have and can refuse to put anything in. Sure as soon as I click a link my IP address is recorded but so what, just my IP address, I can lie and be whatever I want. But with the Xbox One it's you that camera is looking at you.

 As well this camera isn't no simple webcam, it has the ability to record your heartbeat. I don't know the science or how accurate this register of the measurement is but its still very impressive. It's a fairly powerful and complex device for a fun device for all your family. I know to some extent all you'll be doing is playing games on this console while you have it on, but what about the time you leave it on and your girlfriend/boyfriend surprises you and you forget that you are being recorded. Everything you do is saved and stored not just what you are playing but your actions. What about if you have children and you accidentally leave it on, your children are being filmed. And everyone has access to this.

There is nothing you can do about this. They use this information in what way they see fit because when you purchase and use this device you are complying with them. You agree with their terms and conditions and then it's totally theirs. Just like all those images you upload to facebook, not ours anymore friends, public domain.
 
But again with the Xbox its a camera and a live feed into your home and your decision to buy it, is accepting this technology and invasion of privacy. So when they turn around and introduce it to televisions, and it gets to a point were all T.V.'s and all games consoles have this device because you're acceptance to that technology.

And to be fair, nothing will happen with the information. The companies and government aren't all going to have a massive masturbation sleepover and watch everyone on the planet play games, it's for fairly harmless reasons. But what about in twenty years when the a party like the BNP gets into power and they have access to all that information and CCTV's into your houses. What happens then? And by that time, its ordinary for people to have a camera in your home. Just like its ok for people to have Iphones now, which is a SMART phone (which btw means Satellite Monitored and Radio Tracked.) That's right, that fucking stupid screen your caress and finger as you sit alone waiting for your mates to stop chatting up girls in the pub pretending you have mates but actually you are just playing some shit game that's 2 steps away from tetris is a tracker. You are a red bip on the map you tit. So yeah it will happen and your compliance to buy this is allowing them to think 'Oh yeah people don't mind a CCTV in their homes.'

'But I've got nothing to hi-' 'TIT!' Yes you have nothing to hide now but again in ten years what happens when they ban smoking inside your homes, or playing the guitar, or raise the legal age to drink and have sex to 21. Yes you have something to hide then. 'But that will never ha-' 'TIT!' Yes it will remember ten years ago when anyone could smoke anywhere and how it was ok to protest anywhere and suddenely there are all these bi-laws about where we can smoke and protest.

Just do me a favour and don't buy and xbox one and if you have already bought one, please read 1984 by George Orwell. Or watch the film.

If Sense was a Video: Drug Prohibition

A lot of the arguments I've used are in this video but I don't stand on as much authority as this fine gentleman. Plus I stutter a lot when I ggggget angry.

If him and Russel Brand got together

they'd be unstoppable.

My Golden Gaming Years

There was a time when gaming was everything, it's still up there, but during that time there was no contender. I'd push down the middle button on my pad and see fields of friends playing on a plethora of games. It was hard to choose what to go on. Gears of War, Call of Duty, Rainbow Six, Halo 3, Left 4 Dead, all these games would give you hours, if not days of fun.

It was the year of 2007-08 when these games were all out and I had a friend list of a strong 20 who I could play with. I had my real friends, my GOW friends, my COD friends. I'd just jump into parties and engage in gore.

Gears of War presented the real challenge of the bunch, were true skill would come into play. I remember practicing how to shoot, there was an x amount of hours you'd have to put into to learn how to use the shotgun on the multiplayer. Kicking off the match there was the unison of players ducking and sprinting to meet their foes in the centre of the map. The clash was like a wall of warriors of old, instead of shields smashing it was the butt of shotguns, instead of spears splintering skulls it was the crack of shotgun blasts that would shatter your opponent. On the team chat, there would be the shout that would send the bottom of your stomach two inches deeper, as you know defeat was inevitable 'Crab Walker' and 'Host Lancer'. There was the moral dilemma of going toe to toe, fighting fire with fire, and leaning on that walking snapping the A  button to dive so you too would have the same power as the host, but also be permanently sprinting yet have the agility like you were jogging and Crab Walk like them. The GOW etiquette of not killing a downed enemy that wasn't yours, so many unwritten laws that made this game feel more like a sport.

Then there was the all out fuck fest of COD4:MW1. The game that started it all, the multiplayer experience. I don't care what anyone says, Halo was good, but COD4 made multiplayer famous. I remember I had two clans I would play with bums, my real friends (a clan that survives and fights to this day) and then there was sRuz. The unofficial scousers clan short for Scouserz R Uz. Team chat was always a source of hilarity, a poor fool would challenge the skill of this firm of northerners as the seconds counted down to a new TDM or S&D. Only to be soundly routed by this squad of LAA's. I remember coming across the first sRuz player named Ant Macefferty (xbox name) when playing Rainbow Six, he later introduced me to Peno and No.1 Rodney on Call of Duty. We were the most consistent group of sRuz players, winning victory after victory. One instance comes to mind when after one audacious victory on Search and Destroy another team accused us of camping and all that other bullshit. The battle lines were drawn my friends, we sRuz was called out, our honour was called out, our skills called into question. We did not stand for this besmrichment. The challenge was laid out, 'Our 9 best vs your 9 best' in a standard GROUND WAR TDM. The next thing I knew, it wasn't just tizza65, Rodney, Peno and Ant, it was Jay Dono, Delboy, Toner06, LFC Fan, Bootle Badboy and others, They headed the call, rallied to our lines and we charged. We charged my friends and it ended with every single one of us with a positive Kill/Death ratio. Scouserz R Uz fought it's most important fight and won!

Now Left 4 Dead was something more intense, more private and enclosed. Never before had a game encapsulated everything I wanted in a game. Friends, FPS, a black man called Louis and Zombies. Do not doubt me, this was what I had been looking forward to since I first saw screenshots of Resident Evil 1 in the official ps one magazine. My real friends, our backs to the wall, shotguns and automatic rifles in hands, mowing down the ever encroaching hordes of the undead. Our shouts of 'I'm down, finish it without me Cake!' 'Dammit Tizza you're getting to that saferoom with me!' 'Quick I'll cover you with a pipe bomb.' Shouted Beckett through my mic as he picked off a hunter mid-air, heading for Cake. The 11 hour sessions of trying to finish one campaign on the hardest difficulty. AND I DO MEAN 11 HOURS. The endless restarts and replays, the random drops of healthpacks and upgraded weaponry and just when you think you are safe, just when you think the game wouldn't throw anything at you as you hobble toward the safe room, only metres away, on 2 health, last clip of ammo, no painkillers and the all your friends dead...that...rumble...that music...that muscle bound TANK would smash you halfway across the map as you would turn the corner and bump right into him. A man's hope and patience would be tested in the fires in Left 4 Dead, and my readers, BUMS was tested and BUMS passed with flying colours. An extra 50 achievement points glisten our gamerscore thanks to superhuman effort and teamwork. There is a story behind this ordeal, one so epic it deserves its own blog so I'll leave that for another time and move on.

Yes, these years were perfect. I'm not even sure it was 07-08, but it wasn't the year that was important more the arcadia of gaming during this time. Part of my personality and mentality was actually forged during these days. A part of my life that was so important that I still have memories, sitting on my couch playing these games and having the best time ever. I fear that these days will never come back. This time when gaming was so important and gave so much in my life. This may seem a bit sad and geeky to some of you, but you weren't there, you didn't experience all those highs and low's of all these games. It truly was golden.

My Top 5 Cereals

As all of you know by now, I love cereal. It is my favourite food group on the planet because studies show, if you have cereal 18 times a day your life will increase by 3000 years. It's good for you and it tastes fit, how can you argue with that. So as I was having my number 1 cereal this morning it got me thinking 'I need to inform you all on whats the best diet when it comes to cereal.'

To break down the numbers easier, number 1 cereal means you have to eat this the most, number 5 the least but still try and get as much of that as possible. Ok let's begin:

Number 5 is

A standard classic for any cereal lover. One of the plus sides to Corn Flakes, is the 2nd bowl is actually as good as the 1st, which is the only cereal that can boast this.

Number 4 is as follows

 The American import has had recent success in this country and is coming to the forefront in terms of sales. But most importantly it taste better then loads of other things. Sweet, crunchy with milk inbetween the best sandwich one could ask for.



and Number 3

 Crunchy and tough, a cereal not for the faint hearted. Only to be devoured by the true connoisseurs of cereal. Chocolate is always going to have a clear advantage over others but Nesquik is in a league of its own.


A close 1st but not quite, 2nd is here

Throw a couple spoon fulls of sugar on top of these bad boys and you are sorted for the day. Not only a treat for your taste but for your ears as well. A great little treat is after you've finished the left over milk has those little clusters of sugar which is just boss.


and Number 1

Of those 3000 years I mentioned before 2312 years are actually attributed to Coco Pops. A Scientific Journal released last century stated that chocolate can cure all disease and contains all the vitamins in the world. One bowl of Coco Pops is equivalent to 2.6 billions tangerines. The biggest upside to all this, is of course it tastes like a cake made by the Gods on a special episode Master Chef.

How to make a good song bad

Aspiring musicians take a lesson from Kanye West. This is how you make a good song bad:

I listened to the song when I was doing a review on the album and I liked it. Thought it was a bit weird and a bit cool, not conventional hip hop but still had that similar vibe. However I cannot listen to this song ever again without seeing this video, this cheesy, pointless, nauseating video has tainted this song forever.

Now I'm not saying this is the best song ever and some of you wouldn't have liked this song to begin with but you wouldn't have disliked it as much as you did if you never saw the video. If that made sense to you, well done you read like a champ.

It's also a lesson to play to your strengths. Kanye West, you sir, are not sexy.

Billboards Covered in Tits

I'll let Hollie McNish say everything in the video below -

Fire Alarm Brainwashing

Remember in school when the fire alarm would go off for ten seconds and just g off. The teachers told us that they were just testing the system and that we should continue with our work. Fast forward until present day and remember your last reaction to a fire alarm. Or any warning sign for that matter.

 To be fair this would

be ignored as well

Today in my flat, the fire alarm went off and like any normal person I ignored for a long time. It was only for the fact that I was worried about my girlfriend that I decided to check the building. I couldn't smell any smoke when I poked my head out the window so I went down a floor to see if the ringing was there. I took the staircase, no smell of smoke and the ringing was constant. Even so I went upstairs and just to be safe said let's get out of the building.



There were about five people outside three of whom were in the lift with us before more people starting coming out. Now in all this time the ringing had been going on for at least fifteen real minutes. A worst case scenario fire will consume a living room in about ten seconds.

Arrrr sheet

As I've said I work in a restaurant and we've been shown our fire evacuation procedures and we've groaned and moaned when we've done them. There has been a handful of times the fire alarm has went off and all people do is look at each other basing their decision on whether to leave on everyone else.



I'm not saying we should all jump up, panic and run and I'm not even saying that we should all leave every time there is an alarm, since every single one I've been involved in has been a false alarm, or close to minimal. But I blame our inability to consider these fires as a possibility because of these stupid fire alarm tests in school. It has subconsciously drilled into us that fire alarms are things to be ignored because there is a good chance it is just a little accident, when in fact it is the total opposite of the whole point of them.



Just another reason to hate school I guess.

Filthy hands

So I was minding my own business, doing my shift in my restaurant and I noticed no less then five tables, during my six hours using their own sanitiser. I'm just concerned about what on Earth do these people do with their hands when they are not eating food. Are there jobs out there that people just have to have their hands in homeless people's a-holes all day? Or instead of driving cars do people have bikes made of pig poo and they have to pump the tires with aids? Not only this, but these people have knives and forks. The most virus preventing utensils the world has ever seen.

I would be interested in finding out the cases of food poisoning from let's say the 70's and now and then correlate the data with the amount of bottles of sanitiser sold to middle class families and see if there is an improvement.



You see our white blood cells are actually tough bastards but they let us have a few days off work, then go in and headbutt the foreign bodies out of our system. Now because of all this sanitiser killing all the germs we're not letting them have any warm up fights. This means when some crazy viruses come along it's like an year eleven school bully (virus) beating up a year seven on his first day (white blood cells). Instead of a fifty year old gypsy bareknuckle pub hard-case (white blood cells) vs a kitten (virus).
 

This has nothing to do with the blog

but it whatever

I actually fear for future generations of the human race because even if the sanitiser thing works, it's not like millions of people were dying. So as evolution stumbles its way to answer trillions of humans will die because our immune system will deplete because of our incessant need to have clean hands when we eat. You see you bastards by cleaning your hands before you eat you are committing genocide.



Related reading:
http://thinkingmomsrevolution.com/in-the-name-of-protection/#sthash.p1WWDTcD.dpbs

For anyone who loves Resident Evil 1...

This is possibly one of the most funniest video series you'll ever watch if you are a resident evil fan. There are parts and I was honestly in tears with the jokes this youtubers was coming out with.

The video is a 12 part Let's Play of Resident Evil 1 using Chris with the knife. The only downside is that the series doesn't finish. This shouldn't stop you from watching because I can confidently say that if you are a fan of the RE series you will love these videos so much it will stay with you for the rest of your lives. I know this because I watched it 3 years ago and I still watch it as if it is a real comedy show.

So sit back and enjoy Rantastic Productions walkthrough of RE1!

Ageing gamer

Yesterday I sat in cafe with a solemn constitution as the rain fell against the windows bitterly. My copy of the uncompleted GTA5 sat in my bag. My dark expression was directly relevant to my decision to return the least played GTA5 in my collection for in-store cash. This decision has never been weighed up in my head, in my whole 23 years of life.

I sat there and wondered why this was, GTA5 is possibly the best GTA in the history of rockstar. On paper the superiority of this game is ridiculously evident. Better graphics, gameplay, driving, action, car selection, custimisation etc. the list is rather endless. Even the characters are hilarious and deep and crazy. This is a build on my main problem with GTA4 and Red Dead is that the characters were regretful and remorseful for their actions. It didn't make sense that these characters would commit genocide on a load of civilians when the next minute they saying 'Cousin, you are getting me into trouble.'

Taking this into consideration I still enjoyed Red Dead and GTA4, even though the replay factor wasn't there I still completed them. GTA5 there is no drive there. I feel like I dove into a relationship, proposed to a girl after 1 week and then after a couple more days I realise I was just really horny.

It has literally got to the point in which I prefer GTA4 and Red Dead over this new game. That's when I came to the conclusion, after a conversation with a close friend of mine, that I am getting older. I still love games however. It took me two days to complete Bioshock:Infinite and another 2 weeks to get over the ending, it emotionally scarred me that bad. I've recently starting playing Skyrim again for another bout of dragon slaying (if this was a spoiler, commit suicide.) So that thirst to play games and invest my time into games is alive and well. Then came the second epiphany I am not getting older (mentally) I am getting older gamelly (its a word.) I am ageing, maturing in my gaming tastes.

Albeit there isn't exactly a lot to expand in terms of tastes with games. I think it started when I stopped playing football games because they are just the same every release. Except for new graphics and maybe every 5 titles there is change that, 'Totally revolutionizes the way you play' and all it is probably they change the shoot button for the pass button.  Then the Call of Duty copies started to become more evident, so many shoot 'em ups don't really expand the realms of how you play shoot 'em ups. They stick to the Call of Duty canon way of gaming, which isn't a bad thing but when the only really competition is Battlefield it makes you question the level of 'next-gen' we are at.

With the GTA5 I think its how when you walk into a gaming shop you trip over about 5 times on sandbox games. We are so used to sandbox games now that GTA doesn't really present anything new. With games like Dead Rising and Farcry they have several elements in the game, not to mention Just Cause, that sandbox becomes kind've secondary. What is GTA5 presenting that's new in terms of the whole sandbox genre?

For me GTA5 is not giving me anything that's revolutionary. Nothing that makes me excited about playing it or the future of games. I remember playing San Andreas and thinking 'Wow what will the next gen consoles do with the Grand Theft Auto series?' After GTA5 I am thinking I don't really care about what happens to the Grand Theft Auto series or even want to play another Grand Theft Auto for the next consoles.

This could be the case or I'm just becoming a cynical little bitch.

By the way I didn't trade in GTA5...yet.

I was drunk when I found the pictures.

Yesterday's storm brought destruction, sadness and death. It also brought to realisation how the internet can't take a joke. There was an incident involving facebook, a hurricane, a cat and a madeleine mccann joke. The person involved was banned from faebook immediately with no warning. The person was sent a heavy amount of hatemail.

To be fair I do feel better

Now I'm not saying what they said was funny, or whether it was right. What I'm saying is the reaction was totally unnecessary. I have my beliefs and causes that if they are insulted I would be saying how horrible the person was for saying it but I wouldn't call for them to be silenced. The reason being how can we ascertain what is funny and what is offensive.

It's a question of freedom of speech. Now everytime I make a joke about AIDS or the Holocaust on facebook I'll be worried about a reprimand by the powers that be. It wasn't like the person committed an insane crime, just they made a joke about an insane crime.

I feel like I'm pushing things too far.

So this is why women wanted to shag him

Russell Brand our generation's Casanova was always an enigma to me. I couldn't see why so many women would swoon for him, it wasn't even out of jealously more curiosity. Now when I watched this video I was immediately turned on.

Listen to the array of words he says. He must be one of the most articulated person on this planet. Imagine everything he is saying, the pace, the long words but instead he was trying to chat a woman up. Who wouldn't sleep with him after the barrage of words, that would at the very least confuse them into hornyness.

In all seriousness however Russell Brand has never been my favourite comedian, I thought he was more funny in films then his stand up. I also thought him aloof and didn't really pay attention to anything he did. Now however I respect him as much as I do my idols. 

I didn't take much notice to him because in the media his personal life was fairly haphazard and silly. He was mocked for his sex addiction and berated and blamed for his part in the marriage with Katy Perry. Now I know why! They were afraid, this genius with words would make his political views known to the world. I am one of those people who has all sorts of opinion but I can never verbalise them. Most of the time I have this great argument in my head, with names and dates to back it up but whenever it came time to use them I would forget the entire thing and just sound like a suggestible idiot who read a little article and thought it sounded smart. Brand is the total opposite, not only can he hit Paxman with some facts but he backs them up with a beautiful vocabulary which makes whatever he is talking about sound even more plausible. Even if you don't agree with Russell Brand you have to admit he is impressive in this video.

The reason why I respect him so much however; not only do I agree with what he is saying, but he is so passionate about it. You can hear it in his voice the emotion is thick, so thick it threatens to break his trail of word-gems. He's also not quick to anger, like a human being he can make a joke out of himself, he sees the funny side. Not like Paxman who for all his career has worn a similiar suit and not thought 'the old boss, same as the new boss' a little ironic.

The only thing I could have added for Russell Brand, the only thing missing was a great quote from a Richard Linklater film called Waking Life. It goes:

'To withdraw in disgust, is not the same as apathy.'

If only I was there...

Review: An Apple

There are several things in life that can make you believe in God. One of which happened to me today. As I bit into the apple that now lays in my bin with one single chunk bitten out of it I realised there was Hell. The Apple in question was the most putrid and despicable things I have not only eaten but had the sad fortune to even look at.

I understand that we have to eat most fruits in a certain amount of given time, otherwise they do go bad. But this little bitch of a fruit wasn't even past its little sell by date. It just decided to be awful. This probably wouldn't have been such a bad apple but it came a time that the only thing that would quench my hunger, fill the void that had festered in the pit of my stomach was an apple. It obviously wasn't that dramatic, I just felt like an apple. Suffice to say I was a little pissed off that the thing that I felt like at that precise moment, was an apple, possibly the most consistently good tasting things, that turned out bad.



So this is why I am going to give this an apple a rating of 57/62.5. I know you are asking yourself 'Why are you rating this apple so high?' Well this apple, this shit fucking apple is the purest meaning of a blessing in disguise.

I know there is God and Heaven now. You see my friends if apples could taste this bad, an apple that wasn't past its going off date, taste that bad then there must be a hell. No apple tastes that bad if its not past its going off date unless some spawn of Satan created it. So although I mightn't be able to trust apples again  I now know there is a GOD! Isn't that great?



I'm just joking there was no bad apple, God doesn't exist, when we die there is just black. And I still love apples, they're the best fruit ever, as if there was going to be a bad one.

Shopping and the two sexes

There's a few pro's and cons to being a male same with being a female. The saddest thing however is that women love to shop. This isn't a stereotype, its a fact, we all know it and I only deal in facts. Facts and toys like Father Christmas except I'm not a paedophile. The sad part to this is, women are awful shoppers specifically clothes.

It's true that like most men in a relationship we've had to go along with them when they shop. Now if they are good girlfriends they won't have you in the shops for too long, luckily thats the relationship I'm in. However I got a glimpse at what it was like to be a female shopper. For something they love so much it causes them so much pain. Again these are things I know, facts and toys remember, but without children. They get all flustered and annoyed with sizes, things aren't in the right colour, one piece is fine but won't match the whole ensemble of the dress. It's a psychological battle between two parts of their brain and sometimes neither side win. This is how men shop: Walk in, scan racks, sees something he likes, picks up, decides, buys/walks out. Boom! Done. Completed. World saved. With women its: fwetfhewiofjdsojfdiowjfdajfgreai! ARGH! My leg! THE HORROR. In that order. Again facts, not a paedo.

Another thing men will walk in to the changing rooms with max three items, women will have the most amount you are allowed which I'm sure is more then what the men are allocated (sexism? I might have to investigate further) and not even buy one of these things. I'm sure we both like the purchases we get with the same amount of appreciation for how they make us too, but we (men) don't get all that excess baggage. For example women return clothes! Men we try our clothes on (if this is even necessary) and think 'yeah I like it' or 'nah i don't like it' either way we make up our minds there then. Women will try it on, then something in their thought process goes missing, they buy it, then go home and decided they don't fucking want it. Excuse me universe but something is wrong with the natural order of how women shop. Le Facts, je ne paedo pas!

I just thought however that I love Liverpool FC so...

GTA5 Review

Out of ten I'd say it is -

/10

Enough said, buy the game if you haven't already.

Anyone feeling homesick lately?

Remember all those times when you look up at night and see the arm of the Milky Way scattering light years across the sky and think 'I'm sure that's wonky.' Yeah me too. Well it turns out there is a reason why the thing isn't straight. (it's meant to be straight by the way).

The reason is our little solar system isn't actually of this galaxy. The Milky Way is our adopted galaxy, our parent galaxy is called the Sagittarius Dwarf Galaxy. We are currently at the end of a 2 billion year feasting session concerning the monster Milky and our little parent collection of stars. In the below linked article it goes on to say that eventually we'll be fully assimilated into our new galaxy. ( I wish there was another word for galaxy but I can't spell thesauruas properly.)* It says that this current process could be the cause of global warming and we'll see in the future a rise in all energy types.

 This is my favourite part because there is nothing that pleases me more that fucking with global-warmingists. The theory says that because the Milky Way is so much larger then the Sagittarius and has much more mass, energy and heat, our little planet is simply adopting all this, which is the increase for our global temperature. Of course there is counter arguments to it and I'm not saying I believe it, but wouldn't it funny?? No longer would we have to have 58473 different wheely bins because fuck it 7 billion can't change the mind of a galaxy 621,371,189,999,999,400 miles long.

Another thought occurs to me: In school or when we've seen things on tele about stars and what not no one has said 'Oh by the way that big thing in the sky isn't meant to be like that.' Wouldn't have that been a little interesting, that mystery that the biggest concentration of stars in the sky isn't as it should be. As if God had a party while his wife was away, messed the place up and put everything not quiet back to where it should be. Then when she came home just pretended like nothing happened. What else isn't as it should be? Is the sun actually meant to be pink or is gravity actually supposed to be visible?

Where did I put Debra's tea-towels?

The questions are never ending just like the never ending job of science. Maybe they don't bring these things up because they don't like saying 'Yeah we don't know why these things happen.' Who would pay a doctor to say 'I don't know why he's bleeding' or a builder to say 'I don't know why the buildings slanted maybe it's from another fucking Galaxy!'

*Obviously I could've typed it into google and it would've popped up anyway, but it wouldn't have been hilarious then would it!

For further reading:
Original Article
http://www.viewzone2.com/milkywayx.html

Introduction

Who is Ecclectic Geek? What is Ecclectic Geek? Is he real? What does he eat? Fish or lava? These are questions you probably asked yourself. Mystery surrounds this blog like a mysterious thing that surrounds other things. Well with this entry I intend to lift the enigma so you are free to read this blog without anxiety or fear of the unknown.

I am without a doubt a geek. If it has an electric current going through there is a good chance I have an interest in it. However my life doesn't just revolve around games or films I also like chocolate and being warm. Xbox's and playstation's are just the spine that make up the body of the Ecclectic Geek. There is the legs which represent my love for football, the arms that show my likeness for youtube videos or the ears that are of course my emphatic interest in literature. I feel that this metaphor has got a bit muddled up. The point is there are a  million million things in this world that I take an interest in. I have an opinion on every single one of those things, that range from a likeness, indifference or sheer indefatigable hatred. The latter of course being Abba.



The 21st century is hitting its teens and during those years, it's when things get their most interesting. From the largest machines that can create the smallest and destructive things known to man to current foreign policy concerning Israel. I aim to comment on every single thing that requires attention. But mainly it's going to be about games and films.

Biggger isn't always better.

Two things happened in the past two months of particular note. One - Dead Rising 2 and Case Zero were released on marketplace for free for gold members. Two - GTA5's map were leaked online. Now these two things had no connection, except they were both amazing and made me salivate, but both made me think how bigger isn't always better.

GTA5's map is huge, massive, even epic. Word on the gamevine is that if you put Vice City, San Andreas and Liberty City next to each, it would fit inside this new world. This could only be good news, with a bigger map it means more places to explore, get lost in and blow things up. Every time a new GTA comes out we think about how much fun we had on the previous one and then multiply that fun by 10. The new map gives our imagination a platform, combine the trailers and our mind is racing with possibilities with what we are going to do when we get our hands on the game.

However huge maps don't make a great sandbox game. I've found the bigger the sandbox the harder it is to be immersed into the world. When I was playing DR2 and Case Zero this month I found myself putting in so many more hours into CZ then DR2. Why? Because DR2 is too big, there is too much in it. It is a great game and hours of fun can be had, but as replayability and exploration go Case Zero wins. It is small enough to be immersed into the game. As you go through every alley way and doorway you know that every secret is at your fingertips. Were as DR2 you can easily get lost with too many doorways and weapon combinations.

Ask most GTA players and they'll tell you their favourite is Vice City, even though it has the smallest map in the game's history. The game was possible to master, you could seen everything and anything obviously you had to put in a lot of time but it was digestible.  San Andreas and GTA4 were huge, it had so much depth that exploration seemed endless. Mastery of the game was so far away and hard to achieve that who could be bothered searching every nook and cranny. It's the equivalent of playing in your local park and playing in a national park. You have been over every inch of that park and know every little hideaway and every secret little garden. Try doing that in a national park, all that childlike exploration would have grown up by the time you finish.

Ask yourself how many times have you re-played Vice City. Including story-line, side missions, races and personal adventures of course. Now ask yourself how many times did you replay GTA4 and San Andreas. It's a good guess that Vice City hold more replays then GTA4 and San Andreas.

GTA5 will be massive and fun. It will stir so many conversations between work mates, colleagues and friends. Mondays won't be boring because we'll be busy telling each others adventures that spanned the weekend. Personally my favourite was San Andreas but even I had completed Vice City more times then GTA4, San Andreas and possibly GTA5 combined...